Susan almost lost her mind when she answered the door bell to her apartment, seeing her mother-in-law at the door post with her luggage. Mama, this time around, came with Nkiru a far distance relative. Mama just left Susan’s home 2 weeks ago after staying for a month. Susan in her shocked state flashed a smile welcoming her mother-in-law and Nkiru with a warm reception.

“Obi, did mama tell you she will be coming to Lagos” Susan asked her husband over the phone. Apparently mama decided to stop by without prior notice again, her last stay was a living hell for Susan, Mama complains about everything “Too much salt in the food, too much Maggi, too much pepper, why are you wasting my son’s money buying gas can’t you cook with fire wood” who does that in the city, cook with fire wood!

Susan had made up her mind to opt out of her 18 months marriage, if her husband continues to keep mute concerning his mother`s monstrous attitude.

So many marriages have ended within a short period of exchanging marital vows due to the mother-in-laws inability to limit their interference in the children’s marriage. This has made their daughter in-laws see them as a “monster-in-law” instead of a mother-in law.

Below are steps on how to deal with a “monster- in -law” in the name of a mother-in-law.

Tell Your Spouse to Set Boundaries

Setting boundaries in relationships are very important. Both parents should have their bounds and not wholly interfere in the affairs of their married children except it is highly essential/ their attention is needed.

Sometimes an unscheduled visits by parents/relatives of either spouses may be allowed. However, it is important to set the boundaries to prevent this from being an everyday occurrence.

Good Cop and Bad Cop

The perception you create about your spouse determines how your family/relatives will perceive him/her. Never talk down about your spouse whether to your mother or siblings. It indirectly creates an impression and affects the relationship between them. Irrespective of the character, attitude, issues and differences you may be going through, portray your spouse in a good way, it ensure they get along very well. However, there are cases where the family intervention will be needed, you would need to apply discretion and deal with this in a matured way. 

Appreciate Their Advice Whether You Heed To It or Not

When your mother-in-law offers unsolicited advice either you are interested or not, Ensure you listen attentively, acknowledge that she’s your mother-in-law and thus she is well experienced. Do not in anyway show that you are the tiniest bit disinterested in whatever she says. After the conversation, thank her, let her know that you would make sure to apply the pieces of advice. As a matured married lady who wants to sustain her home, you should be able to sieve through messages, select those which is best applicable and will work for your home then discard the rest. If you go the route of challenging your mother-in-law and showing that you care less about what she says you would be on a journey of creating a rift between you both.

Avoid Escalating Conflict

Visualize scenarios which gets you irritated when your in laws are around come up with a solution before having physical contact with them. In all you do, try avoid those scenarios so as to prevent conflict. Whenever conflicts arise try talk it out with your mother-in-law and respond honestly. Avoid being rude, be firm and polite.

Get Friendly

This comes up when you are left alone with your in law in the house, once you feel the atmosphere is becoming awkward try come up with chit chats, gists and warm up to your in-laws, this will make her know you both can have a cordial relationship.

Recognize Progress When You See It

No one is perfect, always remember your mother-in-law is a human with faults. It is at times difficult for a parent to bond with her new son-or daughter-in-law. They sometime see as if they are being replaced. As soon as you notice progress in your relationship with your mother –in-law make sure you embrace it.

Try Understand Common Problems Between You And Your Mother-In-Law

Are you tired of having a strained relationship with your mother-in-law? It is safe to notice the common problems , scenarios and situations that cause conflicts between you both, try to avoid them and create an atmosphere conducive to enable that you get along.

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Folorunsho Alakija

Mrs Alakija was born in 1951 to the family of Chief L.A Ogbara of Ikorodu Lagos, Nigeria. She started her education in Nigeria but later proceeded to the United Kingdom for further studies. She rose through the ranks and ended up settling down to do business thus creating her sphere of influence.

Her company, Famfa Limited applied for and got the oil prospecting license in 1993. This gave her the opportunity to explore and export Oil products in and outside Nigeria. She has a well of experience in the oil business and has been very successful at it.  Madam Folorunsho Alakija was appointed the first female Chancellor of Osun State University Nigeria on the 9th of March 2016.

Amongst her recognitions include-

• Richest Woman in Africa, The Oprah Winfrey Program (2014)
• 96th Most Powerful Woman in the world, Forbes (2014)
• 96th Most Powerful Woman in the world, Forbes (2015)

She is also a great philantropist.

Hajia Bola Shagaya

Hajia Shgaya was born on the 10th of October 1959 in Ilorin Kwara state Nigeria. She studied Economics and Accountancy at Armstrong College California. She started her career at audit department of the Central Bank of Nigeria. Married to Alhaji Shagaya, she began the introduction of Konica brand of photographic materials into the Nigerian and West African market. She manages Practoil Limited- one of the largest importers and distributors of base oil in Nigeria, serving local lubricant blending plants. Also, she has huge investment in the real estate business. She was honoured in 2010 as a member of the Order of the Niger (OON) by then President Goodluck Jonathan.

Daisy Danjuma

A lawyer by profession, She started her career as a state counsel with the Lagos state Ministry of Justice before working for the investment bank Nigerian Acceptances Ltd. (NAL). A wife of one of the richest men in Nigeria – General Theophilus Danjuma. She got a lot of presents from her billionaire husband including a super jet which cost over $40 million. In 2003 she was elected as Senator of the Federal Republic of Nigeria. During her tenure as a Senator, she worked in various committees such as Senate Committee Chairman on Women Affairs and Youth Development and Chairman of the ECOWAS Parliament`s Women and Children`s Rights Committee. Her husband helped her to earn more than $1 billion of her net worth.

Fifi Ekanem Ejindu

Fifi Ekanem Ejindu is an architect and businesswoman. According to her biography, she is the great granddaughter of King James Ekpo Bassey. Her father, the famous Professor Sylvester Joseph Una, first Minister of Health in the former eastern region of Nigeria. Princess Fifi schooled in Queens College, Yaba Lagos and later proceeded to Pratt Institute to study Architecture. She returned in 1995 to set up her business- Starcet Group of companies which includes Starcrest Investment Ltd., Starcrest Associates Ltd. and Starcrest Industries Ltd. Her businesses range from real estate, oil and gas, and building construction.  Fifi Ekanem Ejindu describes her architectural style as Neo-traditional. She defined building with tribal old style features. Her current net worth is about $600 million.

Stella Chinyelu Okoli

A medical doctor and pharmacist by profession, Dr Okoli schooled at the All saints Anglican Primary School Onitsha, University of Bradford and University of London.

Initially called Emzor Chemists Limited, Stella went into drug manufacturing with the passion of making healthcare affordable in Nigeria. She later converted the name to Emzor Pharmaceuticals which produces over thirty types of pills consumed by millions of Nigerians. The company has been in the market for over 35 years. Her passion did not only make her affluent but also accorded her the honour of being one of the most influential woman in Nigeria (Street Journal, 2016).

As part of her philanthropic desire, she launched the Chike Okoli Foundation in 2006: a non-profit organisation committed to eradicating poverty and diseases by raising awareness for cardiovascular diseases.

Dr. Stella Okoli was honoured at the This Day Annual Awards (2012) and also a member of the Order of Niger.

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Tara Fela-Durotoye

Mrs Durotoye was born on 6^th March 1977. A lawyer who pioneered make up artistry in Nigeria. She launched the first bridal make-up line in 1999 and has a wide range of cosmetic products to her name. Though she comes from a polygamous home, her step mother trained her even after her parents got separated when she was barely eight months old. Tara challenged the norm that belittles children from broken homes. She carved a niche for herself and set the pace for others to follow in the make-up industry. Tara did not only establish the bridal make up profession in Nigeria, she also organised trainings and seminars to ensure others get this skill also.

She is an alumna of the Stanford SEED transformation programme whose name was included on the Forbes list of 20 Young Power Women in Africa (2013).

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

An Awardee of the MacArthur Genius Grant, Chimamanda was described as the most prominent of a procession of critically acclaimed young Anglophone authors in the times literary supplement. She gained admission to study Medicine and Pharmacy at the University of Nigeria Nsukka. However a year and half into the programme, she left Nigeria to study Communication and Political Science at the Drextel University Philadelphia USA and completed a Master’s degree in Creative Writing at the John Hopkins University.

In 1997, she published Decisions; a collection of poems and in 1998 a play titled “For The Love of Biafra”. Her story “That Harmattan Morning” got the nomination for the BBC short story awards and she eventually won  the O. Henry Prize for her story “The American Embassy”. Adichie has risen to become a household name, among her most popular articles are – The Purple Hibiscus (2003), Half of a Yellow Sun (2006) and Americanah (2013). She has several nominations and awards which include Commonwealth Writers Prize (2005), Chicago Tribune Heartland Prize (2013), International Nonino Prize amongst others.

Chioma Ajunwa Opara

Chioma who was born into a very humble background rose beyond all odds to become the legend that she is today. The last of nine children, she gained admission into the University but had to quit as a result of her mother’s inability to foot her school bills. Originally a footballer, Chioma looked away from football and decided to concentrate on athletics because she was constantly benched and in her words “I have never regretted the decision [to leave football] because I’ve made my mark in athletics. I could have continued with football but there was a particular coach…”

Ajunwa participated in the 1990 Commonwealth games specialising in the 100m, 200m and long jump games to win a bronze medal in the 4 x 100 metres relay. Though she maintained her innocence, Chioma was banned from participating in sport for four years after failing a drug test in 1992. However she didn’t allow this limit her, she went on to become the first West- African woman and Nigerian to win the Olympic gold medal in a track and field event. She got a National award- Member of the Order of Niger and also is now a member of the Nigerian Police Force.

Agbani Asenite Darego

Agbani who was born on the 22^nd of December 1981 studied Computer Science and Mathematics from the University of Port-Harcourt. Right from her teenage days, she longed to be a model and even went ahead to audition for the M-net Face of Africa Modelling competition but did not make it to the final stage. She did not let this deter her passion, she was later crowned the Most Beautiful Girl in Nigeria in 2001. Afterwards, she became a contestant at the Miss Universe competition coming in the seventh position.

Contrary to popular perception, she became the first native African to claim the Miss World crown. She is a Member of the Order of the Federal Republic of Nigeria.

Genevieve Nnaji

Also a Member of the Order of the Federal Republic of Nigeria, Genevieve hails from Mbaise Imo state. She was born into a middle class family as the fourth of eighth children. She schooled at Methodist Girls College Yaba, then proceeded to the University of Lagos to study Creative Arts. Nnaji who also ventured into modelling began her acting career as a child actress, since then she has risen to become a household name locally and internationally.

Aside from acting and modelling, she has also featured in some major television commercials which include Pronto beverage advert, Omo detergent advert and became the Face Of Lux Nigeria in 2004. She went into the fashion industry and flouted her clothing line St. Geneveive in 2008. She has earned and won several nominations across the globe. These awards include 2016 Africa Magic Viewers Choice Award, 2014 Nigerian Entertainment Award, 2012 Nollywood Movies Awards, 2011 Zulu African Film Academy Award amongst others.

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She Finds a Way to Balance Domestic Work and Hustle

It is worth celebrating when you find that woman who can balance her career and the home. You shouldn’t be lacking in anyway. Be domestic- learn to keep a home and a career, this shows your strength as a woman.

She Is Not Totally Dependent On Her Partner

Respect is earned. Take up responsibilities of your own. Do not wait on your man before you feed and fend for yourself. Every man wants a self-dependent woman. One who makes her own money. One who would not wait on a man to be at her beck and call. Such a woman earns the greatest respect of all time.

She Assists Financially

Just like the above, a woman that can assist financially in any form is an asset to whoever she is with. We know sometimes the men will not want you to pay or assist because of the pride that comes with being a man. It will go a long way in letting him know  you both are partners and should be ready to assist each other.  Be selfless!

She is all Sacrificing

This mostly goes to single working mums. A typical single mum is all about getting all her kids want. Every other thing is secondary. When she makes this decision, she knowingly or unknowingly gives up her life. She becomes rigid in every decision she makes. In all she lives for her kids. Now that’s sacrifice. Sacrifice is to be celebrated.

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1) ONYEKA ONWENU
Onyeka Onwenu is a Nigerian artist that has been heard both in Nigeria and beyond. She is known for her graceful and magnificent voice that captivates the mind of everyone that listens. Onyeka sings about unity in our diversity and love in our differences. This has brought a lot that listen to her music to see an individual for himself/herself and love the next for same not minding his or her tribe.

2) ASA
Bukola Elemide aka Asa’s songs need you to listen to the lyrics because they always leave you pondering on how life is. The steps you must have taken wrongly and how to right them. Sometimes indigenous, the singer speaks to and for all. The politicians, the jailer, the preacher man, bamidele and even the magnificent Lagos Masquerade “Eyoo”. Asa tells it as it is and that makes her stand out as one of Nigeria’s finest.

3) NNEKA
Nneka Lucia Egbuna popularly known as just “Nneka” is one Nigerian artiste that has taken the Nigerian music out of the shores of not just the country but the continent and have made sure her songs are on the playlist of everyone thereby talking about nature, life and the happiness we can find in leaving the best life we can. The Germany based artist has released so many songs including “Kangpe” which happens to be a soundtrack on the EA Sports FIFA 2010 video game and even though in diaspora, she still maintains and portrays her African heritage.

4) CHRISTY ESSIEN IGBOKWE
This legend has given much pleasure to our hearing by the music she gave to us. Even in her absence we still enjoy the lovely music Christy Essien Igbokwe gave us while she was among us. This Lady has bagged countless international and local awards and she is definitely not celebrated as much as she should be. She also held other positions in extra curricula activities and is well known for her charitable deeds. She will always be the lady of songs.

5) OMAWUMI
So many people do not appreciate this Damsel with the angelic voice but like it or not Omawumi’s voice has a way of soothing that hurting feeling you get when you do not know what to do. Even though she turned out as a runner up at the West African idols, she still shows that with her voice she can do a lot and share a lot. Omawumi’s voice is effortless and she has shown us on different levels how she can make an environment that is dull an environment with much love and cheer. That voice though!

Give your own top 5 at the comment section…

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Captain Chinyere Kalu

She is the first Nigerian Female Pilot. Her decision to take being a pilot as a career was motivated by her aunt; who was the first woman from her hometown to travel overseas. Captain Chinyere is a part of the few female who is a member of the order of the Federal Republic (MFR). In 2011, she was the former Rector and Chief Executive of the Nigerian College of Aviation Technology (NCAT), the largest aviation training institute in Africa.

Ibukun Abiodun Awosika

She was the first woman to ever chair the board of a bank – First bank Plc in specific. Mrs Awosika began her entrepreneurship journey at age 25 when she resigned from Alibert Nigeria Ltd to start her own furniture manufacturing company; Quebees Ltd now known today as The Chair Centre Ltd. Ibukun Awosika sits at the board of several companies among which are Cadbury Nigeria Plc, Digital Jewels Ltd and Convention on Business Integrity. She is also the Chairman, Board of Trustees of Women in Management and Business (WIMBIZ). Her most favourite book is Steven Covey’s Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.

Sandra Aguebor

She is Nigeria’s first lady mechanic. She studied mechanical engineering at the Auchi Polytechnic graduating in 1991 as the first Nigerian woman to be certified as an auto-mechanical engineer. Sandra opened her own garage in Lagos, established a solid customer base and began to bring other women into her profession. Today, she is the founder of Lady Mechanic Initiative which trains females mechanics. She also launched an After School Club Project, in partnership with the MacAthur Foundation aimed at grooming young female public school students in Lagos State for gainful employment. In one of her interview she said, “I had this dream — Jesus Christ teaching me how to fix cars, When I first mentioned it to my parents, it was a big taboo. They said, ‘No never, you can’t even dare it.’ I said, ‘But God has instructed me. This is what I’ll do for the rest of my life.’ Today she is the greatest woman in that field.

Margaret Ekpo

Until her death in year 2006, she was an Icon of Nigerian politics and a pioneer activist of women’s rights. Today, her distinguished name graces the Calabar International Airport and Ekpo Refectory at the University of Nigeria, Nsukka. Initially attending political meetings on behalf of her husband and completely unsatisfied with being the only woman present, Mrs Ekpo launched and ingenious scheme to bring other women into politics. Since this was after the Second World War and scarcity of basic household items still persisted, Margaret Ekpo deposited money for all available bags of salt thus ensuring she was able to control its sale to members of her Aba Market Women Association only. Any woman who was not registered as a member was denied access to salt. The Aba Market Women Association therefore become a veritable platform through which she could convey all the information she heard at the political meetings. She also used the association to promote women solidarity as a platform to fight for the economic rights of women, economic protections and expansionary political rights of women. She was also instrumental in extracting the promise of Universal Adult Suffrage from Dr Nnamdi Azikiwe.

Agbani Darego

She is a former Most Beautiful Girl in Nigeria best known as the first native Sub-Saharan African to win Miss World. She has gone on to judge numerous pageants, and fashion and modelling competitions including Miss World 2014, Miss England 2002, Mr. Scotland 2002,and Elite Model Look Nigeria 2012 and 2014. In 2010 she launched a style and fashion reality show Stylogenic on Nigerian television. Three years later Agbani showed us her entrepreneurial side with the launch of her denim range, AD by Agbani Darego, which includes jeans, dresses, sunglasses and bags. She also studied Psychology at New York University and graduated in 2012.

These people were ordinary women who chose to do the extra-ordinary; they succeeded and were celebrated for these feats. Others include Tara Fela-durotoye, Admiral Itunu Hotonu, Mo Abudu, Dr. Salamat Ahuoiza Aliu, Olabisi Alofe-Kolawole , Captain Abimbola Jayeola (Captain AB), Chief ‘Folake Solanke (SAN), Maureen Nkeiruka Mmadu, Professor Remi Sonaiya and so on..the list is immeasurable.  As a woman, do not let this list discourage you. There are more mileage to be covered by women especially in this century when odds are being defied with ease.

The theme for this year’s International Women’s Day is “Women in the Changing World of Work”

To read more about the international Women’s Day as celebrated by the United Nations, click  here

Tomiwa Adeleye

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