It is every ladies dream to have a blissful marriage. Your mother-in-law can be a sole factor to achieving this. To an extent, they influence the success of a marriage, especially in an African setting where marrying a man means marrying his whole family.
Susan almost lost her mind when she answered the door bell to her apartment, seeing her mother-in-law at the door post with her luggage. Mama, this time around, came with Nkiru a far distance relative. Mama just left Susan’s home 2 weeks ago after staying for a month. Susan in her shocked state flashed a smile welcoming her mother-in-law and Nkiru with a warm reception.
“Obi, did mama tell you she will be coming to Lagos” Susan asked her husband over the phone. Apparently mama decided to stop by without prior notice again, her last stay was a living hell for Susan, Mama complains about everything “Too much salt in the food, too much Maggi, too much pepper, why are you wasting my son’s money buying gas can’t you cook with fire wood” who does that in the city, cook with fire wood!
Susan had made up her mind to opt out of her 18 months marriage, if her husband continues to keep mute concerning his mother`s monstrous attitude.
So many marriages have ended within a short period of exchanging marital vows due to the mother-in-laws inability to limit their interference in the children’s marriage. This has made their daughter in-laws see them as a “monster-in-law” instead of a mother-in law.
Below are steps on how to deal with a “monster- in -law” in the name of a mother-in-law.
Tell Your Spouse to Set Boundaries
Setting boundaries in relationships are very important. Both parents should have their bounds and not wholly interfere in the affairs of their married children except it is highly essential/ their attention is needed.
Sometimes an unscheduled visits by parents/relatives of either spouses may be allowed. However, it is important to set the boundaries to prevent this from being an everyday occurrence.
Good Cop and Bad Cop
The perception you create about your spouse determines how your family/relatives will perceive him/her. Never talk down about your spouse whether to your mother or siblings. It indirectly creates an impression and affects the relationship between them. Irrespective of the character, attitude, issues and differences you may be going through, portray your spouse in a good way, it ensure they get along very well. However, there are cases where the family intervention will be needed, you would need to apply discretion and deal with this in a matured way.
Appreciate Their Advice Whether You Heed To It or Not
When your mother-in-law offers unsolicited advice either you are interested or not, Ensure you listen attentively, acknowledge that she’s your mother-in-law and thus she is well experienced. Do not in anyway show that you are the tiniest bit disinterested in whatever she says. After the conversation, thank her, let her know that you would make sure to apply the pieces of advice. As a matured married lady who wants to sustain her home, you should be able to sieve through messages, select those which is best applicable and will work for your home then discard the rest. If you go the route of challenging your mother-in-law and showing that you care less about what she says you would be on a journey of creating a rift between you both.
Avoid Escalating Conflict
Visualize scenarios which gets you irritated when your in laws are around come up with a solution before having physical contact with them. In all you do, try avoid those scenarios so as to prevent conflict. Whenever conflicts arise try talk it out with your mother-in-law and respond honestly. Avoid being rude, be firm and polite.
This comes up when you are left alone with your in law in the house, once you feel the atmosphere is becoming awkward try come up with chit chats, gists and warm up to your in-laws, this will make her know you both can have a cordial relationship.
Recognize Progress When You See It
No one is perfect, always remember your mother-in-law is a human with faults. It is at times difficult for a parent to bond with her new son-or daughter-in-law. They sometime see as if they are being replaced. As soon as you notice progress in your relationship with your mother –in-law make sure you embrace it.
Try Understand Common Problems Between You And Your Mother-In-Law
Are you tired of having a strained relationship with your mother-in-law? It is safe to notice the common problems , scenarios and situations that cause conflicts between you both, try to avoid them and create an atmosphere conducive to enable that you get along.