1. Living Alone

In many parts of the world, staying in a house with parents and siblings remains a welcome option. Apart from the ability to manage expenses and enjoy the warmth of family, this option offers a full house situation where there is no alone time. However, considering how life changes drastically after the wedding, moving out to stay by yourself gives you room to do certain activities without help. Activities such as cooking, planning a meal budget, cleaning and decorating become your personal responsibility upon living alone.

This move will help set the tone for when you and your significant other will live together without family members. You also get the time to take charge of your space and schedule on your own. While moving in with the significant other upon marriage offers companionship, the ability to be your own person will also help you balance your needs and your spouse’s need for personal space.

2. Travel Solo

Exploring a different part of the state, country or continent is one step you should take before getting hitched. Apart from the possibility of making new friends, this also serves as a conversation starter in future. On the journey to unfamiliar spaces, there is room to be you with reckless abandon.

The memories created on such journeys become propellers for career and relationship growth upon marriage. If you go all out alone while your significant other does the same alone, time spent together before and after marriage will become more robust and entertaining. Think about it.

3. Think Investment

Marriage makes two become one in every way. From the personal stuff to the financials, every conversation goes from me to us. It goes without saying that a strong tendency to focus on the next person’s needs and collective bills might get in the way of amassing wealth. This is why setting up an investment fund and acquiring property should be explored before the rings are in place. Of course, this would depend on income levels. However, this can be done with a realistic and smart plan in place. Take baby steps by getting knowledge from bankers and property experts while setting aside some money every month towards a selected and pocket-friendly investment. Your future will thank you.

4. Embrace Selfcare

In many parts of the world especially in Africa, it is believed that the burden of self-care for women rests on their partners. This implies that spending quality time and paying attention to oneself may be intertwined with romantic relationships or marriage. While that may be an avenue to bond, it is important to state that self-care should begin with you whether marriage beckons or not. Daily living is quite demanding and stress is part of life. Accumulated stress may take its toll on your health at any time. This is why it is advisable to take out time to visit the spa, eat right and buy personal gifts regardless of marital status.

Doing this sets a precedent that becomes easy to keep up with even after the wedding. While this keeps you healthy, it also shows your significant other how to pamper you. Set the tone and watch your partner follow!

5. Visit a Therapist

Typically, this should fall under self-care. However, because of the promise it packs and its importance, therapy stands alone as one major option to explore before signing the dotted lines. This will not only help you heal from unresolved trauma, but it also offers you room to prepare better for the big day. What could be better than being the best person for your partner?

There you have it! Five solid ways to prepare for the journey of a lifetime. Don’t forget to share it with the ones you love and look out for the next article!

The post Five Personal Moves to Make Before Marriage appeared first on Hermaze | Relationship, Beauty, Fashion, Family Articles for Women.

Distance should not be the reason for a breakdown in connection. In recent times, changing location for the purpose of education, job opportunities, personal improvement and family goals has become the norm. Despite these valid reasons, moving to a different continent brings unique challenges including keeping one away from one’s partner and family members.

While the effects may come in different forms and distance, it is important to find ways around this uncomfortable but necessary challenge associated with change.

In this article, you will discover four ways to keep your relationship going albeit from a distance. Ready? Let’s dive in!

Share Moments

One of the downsides of living in different time zones is the challenge of calling or discussing in real time. However, with social media apps such as WhatsApp, there is no distance that cannot be bridged. Sharing pictures with little notes about every event as it happens or every other hour will definitely keep the conversation going. This also keeps you and your partner at the top of your mind around the clock. In addition, videos may be added to this to remind the recipient about your mannerisms. This will make them miss you while giving you the chance to pour out your heart to your soulmate 24/7.

Talk More

Improving the quality of intimacy from a distance requires creativity. The good thing is there is endless access to your partner if you make use of the tools within your reach. From WhatsApp to Microsoft Teams to Slack to Google Meet, there are options that do not attract high charges, thanks to wifi and mobile data. Leaving a video of you wishing your partner a good day or saying a prayer will go a long way. What is even better is exchanging your prayer or good wishes for the day in person with a smile on your face. With these tools, you also get to schedule a fixed time for daily or bi-hourly calls if you wish. Staying in touch will always trump making excuses. Give your partner the gift of joy and happiness from a distance, talk more!

Share Updates

This is a super important move especially if you have children. One of the challenges of living apart is the possibility of missing important events and milestones. From missing your child’s first steps to not being part of their birthdays, distance has a way of making you feel guilty. Before you begin to feel bad, cast your mind back to why you are not physically together and find comfort. Also, make it a point of duty to ask about particular events you hold dear to your heart so your partner can fill in the blanks for you.

This not only strengthens your bond but also provides more topics for conversation. This can be done via emails or google docs depending on what works for both of you. In addition, your chats can serve as a communication channel with multimedia files where possible. The highlight may be having the children say hello when there is room to do that. Weekdays or weekends work, as long as it is convenient for everyone.

Plan Together

Distance does not stop your family goals from finding expression. In fact, it should serve as a foundation for keeping the love embers aflame while keeping you and your spouse on the same page. Typically, couples tend to set mutually-dependent goals every other month. If you do, these targets should not go cold because of distance. Thanks to tools like Google sheet and drive, it is possible to make a neat list of these agreed goals with standard timelines, action points and key resources.

With this virtual plan, you and your partner can hold each other accountable and provide updates from time to time. Think of it as a virtual plan to help you two make progress regardless of distance. Think about it.

If you were worrying about what your relationship would become because of distance, you have four simple tips to make it better than ever. Do you have any other tip you would like to add based on your experience? Kindly share in the comment section. The next article will take your relationship to a whole new level. Don’t miss it!

The post 4 Ways to Have a Great Long Distance Relationship appeared first on Hermaze | Relationship, Beauty, Fashion, Family Articles for Women.

Before you go on, let’s take a look at the big picture – counselling as an eye-opening tool for couple improvement, not a grim setting where someone talks over you and your partner’s head.

One of the most talked about life topics is marriage. Marriage often happens when two individuals like each other and intend to take the bold step to become an official couple. Considering the excitement of doing life with the one you love, it might be easy to think of the big wedding only. This is where counselling comes in.

For many people, having an eye on the big event may trump the substance of marriage. Considering the rate of divorce in recent times, understanding this thing called marriage with the help of experienced counsellors makes sense.

In this article, you will discover why pre-marital counselling should be in the cards for you and your soon-to-be partner.

Here are four reasons why you need to visit a counsellor with your lover before signing the dotted lines:

To Improve Anticipation

Saying ‘I love you’ to each other every minute of the day is not all there is to living with your lover for the rest of your life. There is a measure of tolerance, patience and understanding needed to make a success of your approaching marriage. Sitting with seasoned counsellors who have navigated the same terrain for many years will put the journey in perspective while equipping you and your significant other with key soft skills and conflict-resolution tools for the days ahead. Yet to consider it? Try it out today!

To Resolve Differences

The illusion that love is enough remains the reason why many relationships crumble under the slightest pressure. Having two people from different backgrounds in the same boat comes with unique challenges. These are people with unique outlooks on life. Thoughts on money, family and career can cause division if not discussed ahead of time. The best time to agree on such sensitive subjects is before. Hence, pre-marital counselling gives couples room to see weighty topics through the eyes of the next person and meet each other halfway before the journey begins.

To Foster Communication

Becoming one with someone you have fallen in love with is one thing. Staying in love with them in a long-term game that involves constant verbal and non-verbal exchange is another. This is where counselling comes in. Considering the unexpected twists and turns that are bound to show up on this lifelong journey and its impact on one’s health, understanding how the partner thinks and interprets every form of communication is important. With the input of the trained third party, thinking patterns are bound to come to the fore. This helps the couples know how to address each other respectfully, leaving the couple better than ever. Alternatively, some couples go through counselling and agree that they have no business taking the big step because of unique differences. Either way, it leaves both parties better than before. And in the long run, that is a good thing.

To Identify Patterns

Psychologists say there is usually a strong tendency to play out the familiar. What this means is that each person is bound to rely on their personal or learned experience in a particular terrain. For many people, watching their parents or older relatives in marriage creates their idea of what an ideal marriage should be. This is in spite of despising certain parts of the same. Over time, these examples embed themselves in our subconscious where the line between right and wrong may be blurred due to respect or repetition. This explains why many people get married and have certain ‘unspoken’ expectations of their partner.

During counselling, some exercises are carried out. This reveals hidden expectations and each person’s mindset ahead of time. There is also the likelihood of unresolved childhood traumas coming to light. These are events that have happened in a person’s childhood that have not been adequately processed and addressed. Leaving it unattended poses a threat to the success and longevity of the union in view. Fortunately, the potential stings in these issues can go away if both parties are open to resolving them during the sessions.

These are reasons why you should explore premarital counselling before the big day. Have you gone for counselling or know someone who has? Please share your experience by leaving a comment below.

Look out for the next article!

The post Marriage Counselling: 4 Reasons to Explore It appeared first on Hermaze | Relationship, Beauty, Fashion, Family Articles for Women.

It is generally believed that marriage naturally favours the male gender. From having a home to go to, to having someone carry and bear their offspring, there are many reasons why marriage seems to benefit the menfolk. However, it is safe to say that this belief is slowly fading away as many men claim that they are no longer looking to settle down with one person.

After asking random men questions and hearing their answers, here are ten reasons why men no longer look forward to marriage:

1. Fear of Commitment

Based on recent developments, many men no longer want to be attached to one woman as required within the tenets of marriage. While living single guarantees unending access to different types of women without guilt, marriage requires committing to ONLY one woman. This means spending time, and attention while focusing on one woman only. This may not sound like fun to a man who believes having a new woman to excite him every week or month is the way to go. While staying with one woman may be ideal, new-generation men may find the concept of committing to one challenging. Considering the ‘variety’ lifestyle readily available in the world today, this change does not necessarily come as a surprise.

2. Career Focus

Some men starting a career or hoping to grow in their career at times defer their relationship goals to focus on their career and avoid any distractions. This is to give them the time and focus needed to grow, especially in demanding careers. In light of these strong career goals, spending time to build a relationship would not rank high on their to-do list. This is why relationships for many men take the back burner until they get to their preferred level on the ladder and decide to get a partner to help them in the future.

3. Fear of Financial Responsibilities

Being truly interested in having a partner means knowing the place of money and responsibilities in marriage. Such responsibilities include paying rent for a bigger place, spending money on a big wedding and taking care of school and hospital fees when children come into the picture, there is definitely so much to be expected of a married man. This explains why many men may no longer want to get married especially if they believe they do not have the financial capabilities needed to sustain a marriage. Bills put immense pressure on men financially and the phobia of this pressure can make them decide not to get married.

4. Past Relationship Experiences

Men who have had bad relationships or marriages in the past can be afraid of new commitments. This is due to the trauma of the things they have experienced in their previous relationships. It is however necessary for men with bad relationship experiences to see a counsellor. This step would allow them to heal correctly while also helping them get over any phobia they may have about entering a new relationship.

5. Love for Independence

Accountability remains a vital part of the marriage institution. This means you always have to share details of your actions, plans, whereabouts and more with your significant other. Based on upbringing, some men love their freedom and are not willing to let go of it. This means they are not ready for co-dependence to have successful marriages and relationships. In light of this, marriage is not a good step for them.

6. Divorce Phobia

The current high divorce rate is another reason why some men may not want to marry. The cost of divorce is quite high and many men are not willing to pay such a price. This cost includes financial costs and emotional costs. Financial costs include loss of assets, loss of income due to alimony payment, and loss of time due to the adjoining court process. The emotional costs are heartbreaks, separation from children, and the pain associated with these. Considering how much divorce takes out of affected parties, staying single as a man seems like a better option.

7. Alternative Lifestyle

Some men are comfortable being single and they are really not interested in marriage. As long as they are comfortable with their life choices and are not bothered by the possibility of loneliness, staying unmarried is not a challenge to them.

8. Zero Desire for Children

In many parts of the world, children are considered a success symbol for married couples. As beautiful as the idea of children may be, birthing them comes with so much responsibility that some men are willing to stay without them. This means men who love their freedom and do not want to have children may avoid marriage as having a wife could increase the possibility of having children whether they like it or not. Therefore staying single remains the best way to avoid this conundrum.

9. Lack of Attraction

Men may not be deeply attracted to the women around them or the woman they are in a relationship with. This would mean that they do not want to settle with their current woman but would rather wait for the more attractive option. There are many reasons for this. However, this makes these men uninterested in marriage until the woman who fits their vision of the perfect one shows up. It might take years or decades before this preferred woman shows up which reduces the possibility of getting married to the barest minimum.

This list is not exhaustive as every man is different and unique and the reason they do not want to marry remains unique to them. Others may have multiple concerns and reasons for not wanting to marry. Whatever the reasons are, it is good to discuss your desire for marriage with the man you are in a relationship with. This is to be sure that they share this desire with you and avoid future frustrations.

The post Why Men Don’t Want to Get Married Anymore appeared first on Hermaze | Relationship, Beauty, Fashion, Family Articles for Women.

Rita Dominic’s life is not exactly an open book but with the bit of information she has shared over the years, it is safe to say she has earned the title: Creative Juggernaut. The multiple award-winning actress and producer keeps building an admirable legacy. She is easily a top-five Nollywood legend of the decade. From her first movie ”A time to kill” in 1998, to her most recent movie, ”The Therapist” in 2021, Rita has shown time and time again that she is pretty accomplished.

Rita embodies grace and allure. She is known to evolve, and hone her craft and is highly revered in the industry. On the home front, she tied the knot, recently in Yorkshire England to her heartthrob, the daily times’ publisher, Fidelis Anosike.

Here are some life tips from Rita to follow:

FUEL YOUR AMBITION

One admirable thing about Rita is how she still puts in work, besides her great contributions to the film industry, Nollywood, she is also an ambassador to several brands like GLO, LG etc. She is the Audrey Silvia company co-founder and has progressed greatly in this field. Rita has not slowed down neither has she been deterred in any capacity. She has produced and acted in over three hundred movies, and continues to press on.

RIRI THE ACTIVIST

Although Rita is not a very vocal person, she is hardly the type to trend for news that is not relevant or impactful in society. She stands against what she perceives as wrong. For instance, in 2019, she called for the prosecution of Idris Ebiloma who was accused of raping a 15-month-old baby in 2016. She was part of the frontrunners of this activism in 2019. She also runs a charity organization that helps the less privileged. This is your cue to make impact by standing up for what you believe in

STAY FABULOUS

In the words of Giorgio Armani, “Elegance is not standing out, but being remembered.” Rita Dominic is known for in the industry as being stylish. To put it simply, her style is memorable. Her outfits have been discussed by several fans and fashion houses. Having received some nominations, she has won a few awards as the best-dressed actress countless times. She churns out different and unique fashion attires which always look fabulous.

It’s a wonder that she is yet to collaborate with any fashion designer as she would sell out in a blink of an eye. Her style is reminiscent of youth and maturity gliding together and coming into one accord, forming a strong union. She is never caught “unfresh”.

PRIVACY IS KEY

Rita Dominic handles her love life with utmost secrecy and grace. Rumours have risen about her previous romantic relationships but no one has been able to point out her partner until she decided to share that information with the rest of the world. Celebrities and friends were part of her wedding. The lesson here is to work out your life according to your personal plan and keep everything private.

Now that you have these awesome life tips to live by, go ahead and be the star you were created to be.

Share and look out for the next article!

The post Life Tips to Learn from Rita Dominic appeared first on Hermaze | Relationship, Beauty, Fashion, Family Articles for Women.

Here lies the answer you seek with the perfect blend of little cash and an exquisitely intimate wedding:

Break the Norm

The idea of a wedding on a Thursday is something you should explore to stick to your budget. This is as simple as it gets. A Thursday wedding does not only shield you from having thousands of guests because it is a workday, it also gets you a venue at a lesser price. You can get a small hall that sits about 100 guests at half the usual rates compared to a hall that sits 500-1000 guests for a Saturday wedding. This also means less money is spent on decoration as a small hall requires fewer materials & manpower. Think about it.

Don’t Overdo the Menu

In the bid to satisfy guests, many couples spend so much on food. This is why people serve 5 different kinds of meals which will only enrich the caterers. Sit down with your partner and do an analysis of the age group of your guests. Many young people will eat light meals; the older ones will easily go for heavy native meals. Use this information to instruct your caterers and work within the budget to serve two different meals (e.g. rice & pounded yam). Buy a reasonable number of drinks and water for the event and ice. Haggle prices without fear and reach compromises that won’t drain you financially. Cut out unnecessary things Chapman, chocolate fountains, barbecue and the likes. Have two to four trusted people supervise the distribution of water and drinks to avoid waste so you can take the rest home. Remember that you cannot satisfy everyone and be practical.

Do All Together

An African setting calls for both white & traditional wedding. If you can, just have the engagement on the morning of the wedding and proceed to the church or mosque for the white wedding. This does not only give room for one round of food arrangement, it also reduces the cost of money spent on souvenirs, professional hair, and makeup.

Pick One

A DJ and live band are usually the entertainment providers at wedding receptions. As nice as it sounds to have both, it will cost you less to have one of these two at the reception. This is because you are paying both the DJ and band for the whole day, not for the hours of entertainment. Considering the way events play out at receptions, it is impossible to have both perform up to their monetary value. Think critically and pick the one that will serve you better to cut cost and avoid the confusion.

Cut out the Reception

The wedding budget usually caters to taking care of guests who come to the wedding reception. This includes renting a hall, food, drinks, decor, ushers, cake and the list goes on. With arrangements that cover a food pack, a bottle of water, drink and a souvenir in a paper bag, you will save so much money that your account will remain unshakeable. Position friends at the door of the church or court to hand out the bags after the vows and you are done. This also eliminates the need to buy a reception dress, rent a live band & DJ. You can spend some of the money saved on your honeymoon.

Save on the Dress

Brides long for beautiful dresses that will make them stand out. However, spending millions on a dress that will be worn for a few hours may not be the best option. Renting a classy dress with a fraction of the budget will take care of this and get you all dolled up for your big day. Just take a lot of pictures and the memories will remain with you for the rest of your life.

Use Regular Vendors

Contrary to what this sounds like, this is just a way of getting the best services at the standard price. Many vendors charge so much because of the “wedding” tag. The wedding tag automatically makes the prices shoot up. For your bridal hair, fix a beautiful weave at a classy salon in a manner that makes it easy to style. Get a set of bridal pins and have a friend with deft fingers work wonders on it on the wedding morning. For your nails, fix French tips at a meticulous manicure salon and keep the change. Apply this principle with every vendor it can work with and feel your pocket thank you.

Fill The Space

One of the beauties of the day is the grand setting of many cakes to form an aesthetically appealing masterpiece. The good news is that you don’t have to pay for many cakes to get this; just pay for one or two cakes and have the baker use dummy cakes to build the rest of the layers. The dummy cakes are not edible but they look like real cakes even in the pictures.

Buy with Ready Cash

It is part of the culture to get a uniform fabric for friends of the couple. This is popularly called aso-ebi (Fabric for Relatives). Many couples buy this with their own money and give out on credit. That will only set you up for stress, loss, and broken friendships. Visit a fabric store, get a picture of the chosen fabric with the cap or head tie, calculate selling price per head and have a strict person reach out to your friends with a deadline of payment and account details. Emphasize the importance of limited slots and watch interested people send in their money before the deadline. Once you have the amount needed and hit the deadline, purchase the fabric and hand out to buyers without stress. This saves you time, money and energy all without spending one dime from your pocket.

Go Local

The honeymoon is usually filled with bonding activities and relaxation. Due to the need for silence and privacy, many spend so much on international trips. It is possible to have fun and romance without leaving the country and at an affordable price. You can travel to a tourist destination in another state like Obudu Cattle Ranch and lodge for a week. You can also take advantage of places with picturesque beaches and chalets that will give you access to facilities and clubs in the same location. You can even get complimentary meals & wine on the house if you book ahead and mention the honeymoon bit. That is what dreams are made of.

The wedding day is one day, marriage is for a lifetime. It is important to save in order to avoid tales of woe and disagreements. You are however allowed to spend good money on the video recording & pictures insofar as you get the value you need and stick to a reasonable budget. Run with this and have the best day of your life!

The post 10 Steps to Having a Classy Low Budget Nigerian Wedding appeared first on Hermaze | Relationship, Beauty, Fashion, Family Articles for Women.

Laziness

A lazy or laid-back person will not suddenly find the energy or drive to do things differently because the rings are in place. This is a big issue especially if the lazy person did not hide it during courtship. As the adage goes “a man does not smell what he cannot eat”. This simply means that you don’t tolerate what you despise. So if you are in love with a lazy man who borrows money from you every time without paying back or has no clue as to where he is headed in life, you just took on a liability and marriage will only magnify this weakness.

Lying

Imagine poking holes in a dress and stitching it every time to make it look presentable…that is lying. Lying is seen as a necessary evil to keep a relationship together. It is popular belief that some truths are better left unsaid but that is a coward’s excuse. Liars are people who find it easy to hide the truth by presenting a story that will absolve them of blame. If you are thinking of doing something you cannot be proud of, you have no business doing it at all. If you are dating a blatant liar, you are setting yourself up for trouble. The possibility of having peace of mind is almost zero and you may never be able to trust such a person.

Cheating

Cheating is seen as an innate ability of men due to the need to feed their insatiable appetite. Some ladies deceive themselves by saying that a man will drop the habit immediately he gets married which is actually a fallacy. Cheating and lying go hand in hand as a cheat will always hide his ways or blame his cheating on his gender. Apart from the hurt that comes with having to share your lover with everyone in skirt, you could also contract STDs. If your man is already cheating on you, getting married to him will not make him stop the nasty act.

Smoking & Drinking

It is unusual to have a smoker that does not like the comfort of the bottle. A man who is addicted to either smoking and/or drinking will have issues with making sound judgment or decisions. Another side effect of being with a man who clings to the bottle/stick is the ability to block you out when he faces trials at work. Apart from other challenges like dealing with second-hand smoke, its effect on the family purse and the influence of this bad habit on the future offspring; the high possibility of battling certain illnesses like cancer or liver cirrhosis must be considered. Therefore, if a man derives joy from constantly smoking or drinking with friends, it is a tall order to expect him to give it up after the wedding day.

Overspending

The importance of saving for rainy days cannot be over emphasized. Unfortunately, a lot of couples don’t discuss finances before marriage. Overspending will not only affect the family finance, it could also put the family at the mercy of creditors. This is because of the need to borrow when important needs arise. This could also cause quarrels because of the constant pressure the family will face on such occasions. Therefore, anyone who seeks to have a blissful marriage should marry someone with a proper spending/saving plan.

Jealousy

Contrary to popular belief, this is not based on true love. This type of jealousy thrives on insecurity which is the feeling of self-doubt or low self-esteem. Insecure men believe that their significant other might leave them for other people; this fear makes them to take very stiff measures in the bid to prevent their partner from getting attention from other men. These measures include stalking or going through the phones of their significant other which could lead to physical, verbal & financial abuse. If you have been a victim of any of these measures, marriage will only feel like bondage to you.

Slandering

The act of saying bad things about people is not something to be taken lightly. If your partner never has good things to say about people, you should be afraid. This simply shows the tendency to push blames to other people apart from himself. You might not get the picture until you imagine your partner telling his family members that you are responsible for his troubles. Whoever slanders a person does so when the person is absent; this could plant seeds of discord while preventing the victim from making progress. Frankly, this habit is one that may never die except your partner makes a conscious effort to keep his lips sealed.

After these habits have been discovered, you can take a few steps to salvage the situation.

1. Have a Discussion: It is possible that your partner does not know that these habits can cause problems in the future so talking to him respectfully can help him realize his mistakes and inspire him to work on it
2. Speak to a mentor: You should know persons that your partner is accountable to i.e. people who can correct him and walk him through the path to recovery while helping him become a better person. If you have spoken about it and changes have not been made, you should speak to these mentors to help you call him to order.
3. Counselling: After speaking with your partner about the habit(s) and involving his mentor, you might want to go for counselling together to bare your mind before a neutral person who will also help the both of you go through the correction phase while helping you discover some habits that you also need to work on.

It is noteworthy to state that the basic step to correct these habits is dependent on the ability of the person in question to accept that he has issues and work towards becoming better. If your partner is living in denial or pretends to make changes on his own without actually doing so, you might need to re-evaluate that relationship or call it quits. A lot of marriages break because of the “I will manage it” or “what will people say?” factor which is not the best option. Marriage is for life which is why any habitual change should happen before the wedding day to avoid stories that touch. Be aware and watchful as you work towards a long-lasting relationship with the love of your life.

The post 7 Habits That Marriage Cannot Change appeared first on Hermaze | Relationship, Beauty, Fashion, Family Articles for Women.

This is the tale of most young girls. 3% of every 1000 young under-aged Nigerian girl goes through the phase. This has become common practice in Northern Nigeria.

Obstetric fistula (OF) is a medical condition in which a hole develops between either the rectum and vagina, a ureter and the vagina, or between the bladder and vagina after difficulties in childbirth. It can result in incontinence of urine or faeces.

It is more common and evolves into something worse when adequate medical care is not available. It is considered a disease of poverty or ignorance.

Literally, the United Nations Population Fund (UNFPA) says obstetric fistula is simply-

“A childbirth injury that has been largely neglected, despite the devastating impact it has on the lives of affected girls and women. It is usually caused by prolonged, obstructed labour, without timely medical intervention, say an emergency Caesarean section. During unassisted, prolonged, obstructed labour, the sustained pressure of the baby’s head on the mother’s pelvic bone damages soft tissues, creating a hole, also called fistula between the vagina and the bladder and/or rectum. The pressure deprives blood flow to the tissue, leading to necrosis. Eventually, the dead tissue comes away, leaving a fistula/hole, which causes a constant leaking of urine and/or faeces through the vagina.”

The Signs and symptoms of this disease includes:

Fecal incontinence or Lack of control over defecation, leading to involuntary loss of bowel contents such as flatus (gas), liquid stool elements and mucus, or solid faeces. This usually happens at night or may be continual.

• Foul-smelling vaginal discharge
• Repeated vaginal or urinary tract infections
• Irritation or pain in the vagina or surrounding areas
• Pain during sexual activity

Obstetric fistula have far-reaching physical, social, economic, and psychological consequences on the women affected.

Mostly the tail end of young under-aged marriages for girls between the ages of 9-15, and according to UNFPA, “Due to the prolonged obstructed labour (during child birth after the much older men would have forcibly had their way with the girls and they become pregnant) , the baby almost inevitably dies, and the woman is left with chronic incontinence. That is, she becomes unable to control the flow of urine or faeces, or both, she may be abandoned by her husband and family and ostracized by her community. Without treatment, her prospects for work and family life are virtually non-existent.”

The implication of Obstetric Fistula can be in three forms

• Physical
• Societal
• Psychological

Physical Implication

The most direct consequence of an obstetric fistula is the constant leaking of urine, faeces, and blood as a result of a hole that forms between the vagina and bladder or rectum. This leaking has both physical and societal penalties. The acid in the urine, faeces, and blood causes severe burn wounds on the legs from the continuous dripping.

Nerve damage that can result from the leaking can cause women to struggle with walking and eventually lose mobility.

In an attempt to avoid the dripping, women limit their intake of water and liquid which can ultimately lead to dangerous cases of dehydration. Ulceration and infections can persist, as well as kidney disease and kidney failure, which can each lead to death. Some women, due to obstetric fistulae and other complications from childbirth, do not survive.

Social Implication

Physical consequences of obstetric fistula leads to severe sociocultural stigmatization for various reasons. For example, in the Movie DRY, Halima’s friends, family and supposed in-laws probably due to illiteracy or ignorance did not consider obstetric fistula a medical condition, but a divine punishment or a curse for disloyalty, infidelity, disrespectful behaviour or even witchcraft.

Pain resulting from Fistula makes the woman unable to perform household chores and childrearing as a wife and as a mother, thus devaluing her especially in a society like ours where it is solely considered a woman’s duty to do chores. As a result, many girls who were forced/coerced into early marriages are divorced or abandoned by their husbands and partners, disowned by family, ridiculed by friends and immediate society.

Just like Halima who became a marginalized member of the village, she was made to live in the bush far from friends and loved ones, she was isolated in a hut. Though she her mother and co-wife showered her some love, yet it wasn’t enough. She was humiliated and felt so alone. She later passed on due to an infection in the birth canal. She was thrown out of her husband’s home due to the constant leakage and unavoidable offensive odour.

Psychological Implication

This range from the saddening effect of the loss of a child, the rejection and humiliation they face from their supposed loved ones, the marginalization from the smell, societal embarrassment and inability to perform wifely/motherly roles. This is enough to run one mental/ suicidal.

In treating fistula, the nature and size of the injury should be considered. This varies depending on the size and location of the fistula, so a surgeon with experience is needed to improvise on the spot. Before the patient undergoes surgery, treatment and evaluation are needed for conditions including anemia, malnutrition, and malaria. Treatment for this is available through reconstructive surgery. Primary fistula repair has a 91% success rate. Successful surgery enables women to live normal lives and have more children, but it is recommended to have a cesarean section to prevent the fistula from recurring.

Mental health treatment is needed to rehabilitate fistula patients, who experience psychological trauma from being ostracized by the community.

Also, professional and medical birth attendance at all births is required to prevent this illness. In doing this, emergency obstetric care for women who develop complications during delivery would keep fistula at bay.

One major challenge hindering the treatment of fistula is information. Most women have no idea that treatment is available. Because this is a condition of shame and embarrassment, these women hide themselves and their condition and suffer in silence.

Early marriages lead to early childbirth; which increases the risk of obstructed labour. If this practice of marrying off young under-aged girls to much older men, illiteracy and traditional home birth  can be stop then 90% of Obstetric Fistula will be prevented. Then our girls can go to school, live their dreams, become a force to reckon with and make the nation proud.

The post Ways Nollywood Movie Dry Tells The Fate of Under-aged Marriages and Obstetric Fistula appeared first on Hermaze | Relationship, Beauty, Fashion, Family Articles for Women.

Below are the 7 benefits of this diet.

High Blood Sugar Level

Meals consumed during a ketogenic diet naturally helps lower blood sugar level. Research has proven that ketogenic diet is a more effective way to prevent or manage diabetes compared to a low-calorie diet plan. Remember in my last article, it was established that the food ratio for ketogenic diet is 75% of fat, 20% of protein and 5% of carbohydrate. Sugar which happens to be the end product of carbohydrate is a major root cause of Diabetes; which is why ketogenic diet known as low-carb diet is the best for high blood sugar level.

Weight Loss

Ketogenic diet uses the body fat as an energy source and this helps with weight loss. While on the ketogenic diet the insulin, level go down turning your body into a fat burning machine. Based on personal experience and research the ketogenic diet is more effective compared to low-fat and high-carb diets.

Intellectual Focus

Ketones have been said to be a great source of fuel for the brain. This is because of the increased intake of fatty acids which has great benefits to our brain function. When you are on a low-carb diet, it helps avoid big spikes in blood sugar level which can result in improving focus and concentration. The ketogenic diet also helps increase energy level by giving your body a better and more reliable energy source.

Reduced Hunger Pangs

Fats are naturally more satisfying and they end up leaving the body in a full state for a longer period. The portion control included in the ketogenic diet plan helps the stomach reduces hunger pangs.

Managed Epilepsy

Research shows that keto helps in controlling seizures in some people with epilepsy. This diet is usually recommended by doctors for children whose seizures have not responded to a different type of medication. It is also used to prevent and reduce seizures in children living with epilepsy.

Blood Pressure and Reduced Cholesterol

A popular misconception about keto diet says that this lifestyle is prone to raise the cholesterol level in the body causing high blood pressure because of the high fat intake which fears the LDL. But on the ketogenic diet, you are encouraged to feed healthy fats like coconut oil, palm oil, lard, eggs, cream, red meat, grass-fed animal products and dairy fats like butter and yogurt to mention a few. The LDL cause high cholesterol and high blood pressure while ketogenic diet increase HDL.

The Easy Flow of Menstrual Cycle

Personally, prior to this time my menstrual cycle comes with lots of pain and the colour was different from the usual, but after I started the ketogenic diet I no longer feel menstrual cramps and the colour, now pure red. I am happy to be on this journey because I feel healthy.

Aside from the benefits listed above, I have also been told of personal stories how ketogenic diet tackles Fibroid, barrenness, Polycystic Ovarian syndrome, infertility problem, and hormonal imbalance. Also, it starves cancer cells of their food which is glucose.

You should give this diet a try, if you are looking to stay healthy and free from any medical condition.

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It is important to carry out a campaign against it to avoid more of it happening. It is imperative that we let people that might want to travel on this same road to be aware of the implications involved in these. The effects of broken homes are conspicuously staring at us everywhere we move to.

Many of us have always thought it is really no big deal, separating from your spouses with children already in the picture. But what we do not know is, it goes a long way in affecting us especially the children. Some of the effects of broken marriage in the society will be explained in the subsequent paragraph.

1. The Spouses Are Affected:

Irrespective of what led to the separation, the break will definitely affect both parties in different ways. While one party might find it easy to move on, the other party may be faced with difficulty of mingling and building trust again. They are judged and given all sorts of name by society who think they are not good enough to handle a home, especially the female folks.

2. Drains The Children Emotionally:

The children from broken marriages are usually faced with emotional drains. They think a lot. Especially when they see their peers with both parents and they have to struggle to visit both parents. It affects them to see their parents fighting each other and being unhappy. The parents for some period will not be able to give sufficient love to the children.

3. Robs Them Of Their Self Esteem:

Some of these children are being laughed at and bullied at school for not living with both parent. The children might feel they are not good enough because they do not have their parents together like their others.

4. Unyielding To Instrcution:

The children sometimes put on a garment of stubbornness and no longer listen to instructions from both parents. Especially when they live with their mothers, they unknowingly frustrate her effort with their disobedience.

5. Makes Them Independent:

Children from broken marriages usually gets stronger at an early stage. This is not because they are meant to but that they suddenly find themselves in that position. They mostly strive to do so well and earn themselves a good brand so they tend to become independent at such an early stage.

6. Affects Their Relationship Life:

For a child that did not grow up with parents that are in love, they find it difficult to love another soul genuinely. They mostly do not believe in love. They also tend to be vulnerable when they hear sweet words which can make them a prey for relationship predators.

7. Affects The Society:

Futhermore, a glance at the society shows that majority of children from separated homes live some kind of unapproved lifestyle. Although we have some very decent people that are products of divorce but most of them do not end up as expected.

It is imperative to know this things before settling down for marriage in the first place. To avoid anything leading you to signing that divorce paper.

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