Relationships with a spouse come with unique challenges. Living with your spouse within the confines of marriage is a different kettle of fish. This is expected based on the unending nature of forever. However, contrary to what is widely believed, offences usually come from the little things. These little actions do not look harmful at first until they snowball into major issues and water down the strength of the union. Experienced counsellors are able to advise couples to look out for these little actions that can create a big wedge in no time.

Here are five acts that may be driving your spouse nuts:

1. Staying on the Phone

Living in a digital age means relying on your mobile phone for communication and work-related needs. This also means having a strong presence on social media platforms and apps such as Facebook, WhatsApp and Instagram and more. The addictive nature of these apps translates to endless scrolling and fear of missing out (FOMO). Though a valid move, it affects valuable couple time and breeds resentment. The way forward is to time your phone use and set it aside after the stipulated minutes or hours. Your relationship will be better for it.

2. Not Giving Enough Compliments

Living with another person demands a measure of tact and maturity. Ensuring your spouse feels good and complete around you is a great way to boost their self-esteem. This means looking for every reason to say good things to them. If you believe your spouse should know how you feel about them, you may be making the wrong impression by your inaction. Also, there may be a tendency to compliment strangers because of the outcomes it provides. The world is already tough enough, taking the initiative to say nice things is a great way to set the right tone in your space.

3. Holding Back Affection

You know the golden rule – love your neighbour as yourself. In this case, your neighbour is your spouse, your second half – the one person who is able to see every side of you yet decides to stay in your life. How you treat them is a pointer to how they might treat you. So if you have ever felt the need to keep sealed lips instead of showering your significant other with ‘accolades’ or kind words, you are wrong. Gentle and sincere words of affection give a whole level of high while taking the next person’s self-esteem up by one notch. What happens if your partner senses unkindness or feels slighted? Your guess is as good as mine. It does not augur well. Make it a culture to be openly affectionate towards your spouse. This will in turn cause them to shower you with love.

4. Buying Presents YOU Like

As a child, did you ever have moments of sulking because you had to eat a meal you did not like so much? Remember how that made you feel? Then you should understand why this is a bad idea. While it is important and thoughtful to give your spouse a gift, it is also necessary to review the reason behind your action. Did you give them that particular present because you believed it was specially made for them or was it a gift of convenience? Thoughtfulness as it concerns gifting is tied to how much the recipient of the gift will like it. So before you consider getting a present for the one you love, find out if it is a gift they would love and appreciate. Think about it!

5. Putting the Children First

Children are a gift to their parents. However, the tendency to make them the centre of your world at your spouse’s expense looms. While it is important to show your children undiluted love and affection, the ability to balance this alongside catering to your significant other’s needs remains paramount. Starving your partner can drive a wedge between you and them while rubbing off on the children negatively.
An easy way to ensure this does not happen includes spending focused time away from the little ones. Weekly date nights in a warm, romantic setting are a great option for bonding and enjoying each other’s company.

There you have it, five habits that make your spouse unhappy. Which of these caught you by surprise?
Do share by leaving a comment.

Now that you know how your behaviour may be affecting your marriage, how about moving things around to make your union more fun?

Remember to like, share and look out for the next article.

The post Five Seemingly Harmless Actions Driving Your Spouse Crazy appeared first on Hermaze | Relationship, Beauty, Fashion, Family Articles for Women.

Here lies the answer you seek with the perfect blend of little cash and an exquisitely intimate wedding:

Break the Norm

The idea of a wedding on a Thursday is something you should explore to stick to your budget. This is as simple as it gets. A Thursday wedding does not only shield you from having thousands of guests because it is a workday, it also gets you a venue at a lesser price. You can get a small hall that sits about 100 guests at half the usual rates compared to a hall that sits 500-1000 guests for a Saturday wedding. This also means less money is spent on decoration as a small hall requires fewer materials & manpower. Think about it.

Don’t Overdo the Menu

In the bid to satisfy guests, many couples spend so much on food. This is why people serve 5 different kinds of meals which will only enrich the caterers. Sit down with your partner and do an analysis of the age group of your guests. Many young people will eat light meals; the older ones will easily go for heavy native meals. Use this information to instruct your caterers and work within the budget to serve two different meals (e.g. rice & pounded yam). Buy a reasonable number of drinks and water for the event and ice. Haggle prices without fear and reach compromises that won’t drain you financially. Cut out unnecessary things Chapman, chocolate fountains, barbecue and the likes. Have two to four trusted people supervise the distribution of water and drinks to avoid waste so you can take the rest home. Remember that you cannot satisfy everyone and be practical.

Do All Together

An African setting calls for both white & traditional wedding. If you can, just have the engagement on the morning of the wedding and proceed to the church or mosque for the white wedding. This does not only give room for one round of food arrangement, it also reduces the cost of money spent on souvenirs, professional hair, and makeup.

Pick One

A DJ and live band are usually the entertainment providers at wedding receptions. As nice as it sounds to have both, it will cost you less to have one of these two at the reception. This is because you are paying both the DJ and band for the whole day, not for the hours of entertainment. Considering the way events play out at receptions, it is impossible to have both perform up to their monetary value. Think critically and pick the one that will serve you better to cut cost and avoid the confusion.

Cut out the Reception

The wedding budget usually caters to taking care of guests who come to the wedding reception. This includes renting a hall, food, drinks, decor, ushers, cake and the list goes on. With arrangements that cover a food pack, a bottle of water, drink and a souvenir in a paper bag, you will save so much money that your account will remain unshakeable. Position friends at the door of the church or court to hand out the bags after the vows and you are done. This also eliminates the need to buy a reception dress, rent a live band & DJ. You can spend some of the money saved on your honeymoon.

Save on the Dress

Brides long for beautiful dresses that will make them stand out. However, spending millions on a dress that will be worn for a few hours may not be the best option. Renting a classy dress with a fraction of the budget will take care of this and get you all dolled up for your big day. Just take a lot of pictures and the memories will remain with you for the rest of your life.

Use Regular Vendors

Contrary to what this sounds like, this is just a way of getting the best services at the standard price. Many vendors charge so much because of the “wedding” tag. The wedding tag automatically makes the prices shoot up. For your bridal hair, fix a beautiful weave at a classy salon in a manner that makes it easy to style. Get a set of bridal pins and have a friend with deft fingers work wonders on it on the wedding morning. For your nails, fix French tips at a meticulous manicure salon and keep the change. Apply this principle with every vendor it can work with and feel your pocket thank you.

Fill The Space

One of the beauties of the day is the grand setting of many cakes to form an aesthetically appealing masterpiece. The good news is that you don’t have to pay for many cakes to get this; just pay for one or two cakes and have the baker use dummy cakes to build the rest of the layers. The dummy cakes are not edible but they look like real cakes even in the pictures.

Buy with Ready Cash

It is part of the culture to get a uniform fabric for friends of the couple. This is popularly called aso-ebi (Fabric for Relatives). Many couples buy this with their own money and give out on credit. That will only set you up for stress, loss, and broken friendships. Visit a fabric store, get a picture of the chosen fabric with the cap or head tie, calculate selling price per head and have a strict person reach out to your friends with a deadline of payment and account details. Emphasize the importance of limited slots and watch interested people send in their money before the deadline. Once you have the amount needed and hit the deadline, purchase the fabric and hand out to buyers without stress. This saves you time, money and energy all without spending one dime from your pocket.

Go Local

The honeymoon is usually filled with bonding activities and relaxation. Due to the need for silence and privacy, many spend so much on international trips. It is possible to have fun and romance without leaving the country and at an affordable price. You can travel to a tourist destination in another state like Obudu Cattle Ranch and lodge for a week. You can also take advantage of places with picturesque beaches and chalets that will give you access to facilities and clubs in the same location. You can even get complimentary meals & wine on the house if you book ahead and mention the honeymoon bit. That is what dreams are made of.

The wedding day is one day, marriage is for a lifetime. It is important to save in order to avoid tales of woe and disagreements. You are however allowed to spend good money on the video recording & pictures insofar as you get the value you need and stick to a reasonable budget. Run with this and have the best day of your life!

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