Seun is me and might be you right now; you just had a baby, maybe not your first or maybe even your fourth, but you realize that for the past 3 to even 9 months after child birth, your affections and attention have been solely for that child. Your husband might not be vocal about it, but believe me, he hurts.

So what do you do when you realize that your marriage is between you and your partner and kids are just an addition and not the cornerstone? YOU SPICE UP YOUR MARRIAGE!

How do you do this, let me give you 5 steps on how to get those feelings oiled and ready;

Don’t Talk Kids All The Time

Yes, I said that. I know it’s very difficult not to rave about your kids seeming awesome accomplishments of getting down from the bed solo or taking first steps, but you need to stop. Ask your partner how their day went and listen to them talk. Empathise with difficult moments and share laughs over jokes. You can both agree to have baby talk during a set time period and all conversations relating to kids should be restricted to that.

Compliment Your Partner Frequently

After years in marriage and with the arrival of kids, it is very easy to not see your partner in all their initial glory. However, always consciously remind yourself to look for the good every day in your partner, it might just be something as easy as “thanks for the meal, I understand how stressed you are” or “How was work, your office doesn’t know how lucky they are to have you all day”. Everyone loves to be appreciated. It brings out the best in us.

Talk: Always Talk

There is nothing like too much communication. Look for a time when you and your partner are less stressed, it might be early mornings or late evenings after everyone has been tucked into bed. Talk about your frustrations, sex, anger, disappointment and appreciation of each other. This is not a time to argue or accuse, talk plainly and be open to listening and understanding your partners’ point of view. Most troubles in our mind are as a result of misinterpretation of our partners’ words or actions and this can be cleared up with a simple, “Hun, when you said xxxxx yesterday, I felt unappreciated because I understood it to mean yyyyy”.

Go on Dates

This simply means take some time off parenting and just be you two again. It doesn’t have to be an expensive outing, you can just go to the beach or take a stroll around the neighbourhood and sit in that bukka on the other street. Listen to street convos and take in the sights and sounds around you. Look for someone reliable to watch your kids or make plans with another couple where you 4 swap babysitting duties for couple date nights.

Never Forget Intimacy

Get a red-hot marker and circle at least a day each week when the cookie must crumble. This doesn’t mean it can’t crumble every other day. But with all the activities involved in taking care of kids, you just might forget to get intimate. However, when your calendar reminds you that something should go down, whether it be a quickie or a full blown out hours session, it’s easier to go through the day.

These rules are not fixed, but they have worked for me and I believe they will work for you too. Give them a try, add your own kinks to it and see your marriage come back to life.

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Omotola Fasawe

The post How To Spice Up Your Marriage – 5 Ways To Rekindle Passion Even After Childbirth appeared first on Hermaze | Relationship, Beauty, Fashion, Family Articles for Women.

Inadequate Preparedness

Most people think they are ready for the institution of marriage whereas, the reverse is the case. Usually marriage is for adults, some people have concluded that an advancement in age ordinarily equals the title adult. People have termed adulthood to begin from age 27, however what they have failed to realise is one may be older in age and not emotionally and psychologically matured. One major consideration in marriage is character: getting married to an older person who behaves like a child/baby would automatically wreck the marriage. Most people would rather dedicate a considerable number of years in the university acquiring formal education but would pay little or no attention to getting properly groomed and informed about marriage which lasts a lifetime.

Attention Span during Courtship

The period of courtship is the time when you get to know who you intend to marry. Every detail counts. During this period you get to know all you decide to know about your partner. Open your eyes to every attitude, character, belief, behaviour etc, discuss whatever you see/notice and you don’t seem comfortable with, thrash issues and deal with them as they come. Do not just be all about the chumminess and mushiness. Look and sincerely know who your partner is. If you decide that you’re comfortable with his/her character/attitude you can go ahead with the relationship. If you can’t accommodate his/her imperfections, it is best you end the relationship as fast as possible to prevent a case of suffering and smiling in marriage, as the saying goes, a broken relationship is better than a  broken home.

Dishonesty

There is a need to be honest and open. Hold nothing back, give no room to doubt of any kind. Cutting corners breeds betrayal and mistrust which could be very harmful to the relationship. Dishonesty results into marital breakdown.

Childlessness

Some people have failed to come to know that children come from God. Your partners/spouses do not manufacture children all by themselves. In the case of Infertility, couples are advised to seek medical counsel, take the necessary tests and get help where needed. Do not go about blaming your spouse for infertility thereby putting a strain on the marriage.

Sickle Cell Anaemia Disease

The Importance of knowing your genotype before marriage cannot be over emphasised. To prevent a case of having a child with the SS genotype which could ultimately cause a breakdown in the marriage, it is highly essential to get tested. Let go of all the mushy feelings and deal with the future. Not only will a sickle cell anaemia disease affect the home financially (one would have to always seek medical help for the child in the case of a crisis), but also psychologically, emotionally, physically and mentally. This is one of the reasons of marital breakdown.

Ignorance

Marriage isn’t child’s play. It is very essential that you figure out the real person behind who you choose to marry. Beauty fades, love will not always remain. The character/attitude of who you marry will keep you going. Be sure to marry someone who you can live with, someone whose excesses you can accommodate. If you do otherwise, there sure will be issues in the home. One with whom you can easily resolve issues. When you keep allowing issues go unresolved it begins to pile up, then it will get to that explosion point –at that time you both wouldn’t be able to stand each other, leading to a marital crisis. This, often lead some people to seek gratifications outside the home.

Third Party Interference

It is no news that marriage is a three-fold cord involving you, your spouse and God. No one should be wholly involved in your matter. Don’t give people the permission to speak cruelty to your spouse regardless of his/her offence. People tend to be judgemental and they begin to relate with him/her on that basis even after the differences are settled.

Also when you begin to involve people in your affairs, they begin to give certain advice which may be detrimental to your home and cause a marital breakdown on the long run.

Improper Communication

This is one of the foundation on which a successful home is built. Never stop communicating with your partner. In doing this, you tend to quickly sort out your differences. Do not hold a grudge because your partner offends you, talk about issues as they come up. When you decide to keep to yourself for longer than three days, gradually you begin to drift apart from each other hence breeding contempt in your home.

Excess Baggage

Due to experiences from past/failed relationships, some people tend to go around with some misconceptions that can ruin the home. Several people go into marriage with the hurts and pain from their previous relationships, they even begin to judge their partners based on the eventualities of their past. Some spouses still hang on to their previous relationships and as such begin to compare it to their marriage. Nobody deserves such treatments. This puts so much pressure on your marriage and at the risk of a marital breakdown. Soon enough, your partner would begin to loose his/her self-confidence. Ultimately leading to the end of the marriage.

Lack of Initimacy

Get initimate with your partner. It doesn’t always have to be about sex always. You can take her on a surprise date, show up at his/her office with a gift unannounced, take him/her out to lunch etc. Intimacy drives the marriage, it keeps the flames of love burning.

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