Susan’s mother, thinking she was doing her daughter good, was all an act of correction or so she thought. Unknown to her, she was abusing her physically and emotionally.

This act of correction made Susan a victim of emotional and physical abuse which totally destroyed her self-esteem. She became scared of talking among her peers. She grew with the mentality of being rejected not bothering to relate with anyone. The only persons who understood her were her father and elder sister. Whenever she does any wrong these two people correct her with soft words and make her understand the dangers in the wrong she had done. These two were the only ones she regarded as family.

There is a very thin line between discipline and punishment; which ultimately leads to abuse. A child is said to be abused when the corrective measures taken by the parent to discipline a child inflicts injury on the child either Physically or emotionally. Correction is non-punitive disciplinary measures used to discipline a child .

It is quite unavoidable to talk about correcting a child without looking at it from the angle of discipline. Discipline is one of the elements of parenting. Most parents find it difficult to draw the line between correcting a child in an empathic way.

If you, however, punish your child instead of disciplining them, the end result will not be the same. Punishment is an act of anger and impulse. It happens when a parent takes things personally; the use of object on a child inflicts injury on a child and that breed’s fear in the child.

Fear and Respect do not work together, when a child fears his or her parent the child finds it difficult to relate with the parent which goes a long way in destroying the existing relationship the child has with the parent.

Discipline also termed Correction also helps the child with the aim of helping them see why they should make right choices and actions. A parent who disciplines teaches their child right from wrong, helping them learn life skills.

Ultimately, punishment hurts a child whereas discipline helps a child.

How to Know When Discipline Crosses The Line

Punishment brings about intimidation, intimidation leads to fear; when a child begins to fear his or her parents the child tends to begin to think as a victim while the parent a victimizer.

Below are ways to tell if you are a Victimizer:

• As a parent examine what role your anger is playing while administering your punishment. It is normal for a parent to feel angry, it becomes abnormal if the parents expresses his or her anger rather than the need to correct a wrong.

• When a child tells lies to you as a parent to avoid punishment for any misconduct. The parent discovers the lie and tells the child to run outside for an hour, or starve the child for days. You are crossing the line of discipline. As a parent when you begin to act recklessly for example, a father is enraged at his teenage daughter: As they argue, he picks up a chair and throws it across the room toward the child. His daughter moves, and the chair misses her. While she was not injured, the possibility of an injury was present. Dad acted recklessly in this situation.

• Acting intentionally for example as a parent you found out your money is stolen and you suspect your child without asking question you flog your child stark naked, you put hot pepper in your child private part that is you crossing the line in a dangerous way.

How Then Do I Correct My Child Without Becoming a Victimizer?

The Executive Director of Prevent Child Abuse Louisiana said “In thinking about parenting, it can help to use football as a model, Bronson said when a rule is broken, the whistle is blown and a penalty is announced. Refs do not hit the players, the players generally accept the consequences, and everyone keeps on playing. This implies you do not have to hit a child with an object or with harsh words before you discipline your child.

1. Having in mind discipline does not need to be physical. There are many ways to teach children without running the risk of hurting a child. Some examples of non-physical discipline are taking away privileges and time-outs. (Do not starve your child of food).
2. Instead of hitting your child so hard, you can set rules and be firm about them.
3. Talk to your child often at the same time give your child a listening hear, this will help the parent understand the rationale behind your child’s behaviour.
4. Praise/Acknowledge your child when he/she does the right thing.
5. Keep your eyes open to know when your child is socially withdrawn most particularly when a family member is around this might be a sign of him/her being abused by that person.
6. Do not call your child names
7. Love the child. The same hand with which you discipline should be the same hand you hold them close.

As we create Child Abuse Awareness in this month of April, I implore parent to ensure discipline, know when corrective measures tend become abuse and take conscious steps to avoid them.

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September is here again which happens to be my birthday I will be 12 years old on the 10^th of September, Uncle K had planned a birthday party for me, we went out for shopping because I had decided to wear something new for the party, we also made a quick stop at the caterers office to ensure everything was going as planned.

Some of my friends from school including  Amina came for the party, the theme for the birthday was pink ,all my friends had a pink dress on ,the house was filled with a lot of pink themed decorations my cake was a character cake that had my picture on it .

Few of Uncle K friends came for the party also so it wasn’t just little girls party, we had so much fun at the party, Uncle K made the party a memorable one better that what I had my mum had in mind for my birthday before death took them away from me .we had a one minute silent in remembrance of them.

It was game time we had picked Aluminium foil game, we had two teams and each team was given aluminium foil to make a runway outfit dresses for me the celebrant and I was to wear them on a runway in other to showcase the dresses made by the team, I looked at myself in the mirror was dressed like a grown up with make up all over my face. The team Amina belonged to won the game everyone had so much fun during the game time.

It was time to hit the dance floor for the celebrant dance, I requested ‘’ Daddy yo’’ by Wizkid . Before I realized what was happening the dance floor was filled up, I thought I was the only one who loves to dance to wizkid’s hit, and we all danced until we got tired of dancing.

I and Uncle K sat in front of the A stack of unopened presents stood in the corner of the room wrapped in smooth shiny wrapping paper. A silk pink bow had been carefully tied around each of the gift. I decided to open the gift Amina bought for me it was a yellow  diary seeing the diary made my day as I had told her the day the we went shopping I wanted a diary. I never knew she paid attention to me that day.

The next gift I opened was a big one that had a big ribbon o it and I was so eager to open it, a little note was attached to the gift to my little girl friend I wondered who had dropped the gift for me what stroked me was the hand writing of the sender which looked like something I have seen before, I said to myself I now have a secret admirer I couldn’t wait to tell Amina about my secret admirer.

`I see you have seen the gift I bought for you, I hope you like the teddy bear I got you` Uncle K said as he walked in with 2 bottles of coca cola drink in his hands.

`O when did I become your little girlfriend` I asked him as I hugged him to thank him for the gift he got for me by this time I was already feeling sleepy I had managed to finish my drink .

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

I felt so light headed as I open my eyes , I can’t seems to place how I got into the room . I tried getting up from the bed but I felt sharp pain around my thigh I thought to myself I must have danced so much at my birthday party for me to feel this pains all over my thighs and leg.

I need to visit the ladies, so I had no choice than to drag myself out of the bed, as I stood up I noticed I had been sleeping in a pool of blood.

Blood on the bed sheet?

Whose blood is this? I murmured softly to myself.

I looked all over the room to get traces of where the blood came from; I also noticed my dress was stained. I became so confused, I was terrified due to the fact that I couldn’t find Uncle K, and could this be his blood on my body.

What is happening in this house or am I dreaming.

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Uncle K`s eyes was filled with so much rage as he strangled Emeka. I had to let out a scream before Uncle K could leave Emeka alone. I hardly recognized my Uncle. In all the eyes I have known Uncle K, I had never seen him this angry. I was scared for Emeka’s life.

I sat down with tears in my eyes as I watched the police handcuff Emeka out of the house in the morning. I could not believe all the escapades that happened last night; Emeka the security guard tried taking advantage of me?

Questions kept coming to my mind. I continued wondering how he had access into the main house, how did he gain access into my room. The only time he is authorized to step into the house is to inform us of a visitor. His main duty is to guard the house.

`I can’t imagine what pushed him into the house, am sure it was Efya the Ghanaian house help that gave him access into the house. I have been suspecting their closeness lately. I wish I had taken a drastic action before all this happened`, Uncle K said as he tried consoling me.

Efya swore with her father’s grave to never letting Emeka into the house. I saw the sincerity in her eyes so I asked Uncle K to let her be because he was about to sack her. So I pleaded on her behave.

I was happy Emeka was not successful with his intentions, as that was all that mattered to me right there and then. Amina came visiting because she did not see me in school. I was so ashamed to tell what had happened so I lied to her. I was not feeling fine and I had to rest at home. I looked into her eyes to see if she bought my lies and I realized she was more comfortable with the lies than I had imagined.

04:00pm

Emeka was released from the police station later that afternoon. He came for his belongings and requested to have a word with me. He knelt down begging for my forgiveness and told me it was the devil’s work. He also pleaded with me to help him secure his job as our security guard.

Forgiveness was a luxury to dish out to Emeka as at that particular time. I also promised him I was going to have a discussion with Uncle K which I did but he refused bluntly but promised to give him money worth his salary for one year so as to enable him stand on his feet.

Uncle K gave Emeka the money he promised. Emeka cried like a baby; I have never seen a grown man cry this way.

I felt pity for him not minding I was the victim but the deed had been done, there was nothing I could do about it. This I know for sure. Whenever Uncle K makes up his mind about anything, no one can change his decision.

I started having series of nightmares at night and this made it difficult for me to sleep alone at night. Uncle K suggested we sleep in the same room. At first the suggestion seemed so wired, but I was left with no choice, I had to welcome the idea if it means I would be able to sleep soundly at night and no more fear of me being raped at night.

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Walking down the stairs,I could hear a familiar voice calling out my name screaming‘Omolola! ‘Omolola! Help me check the kitchen cabinet for a new pack of magi seasoning and I need it right no’that was my mother Chief Mrs Tade herself AKA Mama Show, always representing at any family event.

She can like to party for Africa.

As I hurriedly turn back I heard my name again ‘Omolola! ‘Omolola! ‘Get me cold water from the fridge andalso come with my food ’.I sheaved a sigh as I listened to the voice other me around- that is the voice of the man who treats me like a maid. Oh how I hate his guts! Whenever he needs my attention;he calls me with such pride and ego, I really do not blame him, I blame my father who gives him so much power and room to do whatever he likes including ruling the affair of the house as if he owns it.

Whenever mum complains to dad he would always come with the excuse of ‘heis my only brother and there is nothing I can do about his attitude, he is an adult, I can’t control him and you do not expect me to chase him out of the house even if he has refused to get a life at the age of 38’.

Omolola! He calls yet again jolting me out of reverie.

I began thinking again;’ O God why am I the only child, these household chores would kill me some day’ I muttered to myself.

Omolola!Yet I heard my name this time it was Aunt Bimpe

‘what are you doing standing here I have been behind you for a while,, it is obvious you were lost in thought, kin niomokeke e araro,  what are you thinking of  you are just 11 years old, do you want to kill yourself?. ‘Nothing ma’I replied.

“In that case your mum is waiting for the seasoning outsideoya make. It snappy it is almost time for the Christmas party and you are yet to take a bath and get dressed.Your daddy’s jet will arrive soon and he won’t be seeing you dressed this way. In fact don’t worry I will give your mum the seasoning’. Aunt Bimpe thank you so much you are indeed a life saver” I thanked my Aunt and ran to take a bath.

So I decided to serve my uncle his food before he gets angry and tells me I am a rich spoilt brat, Uncle Kunle never sees anygood in what I do.

06:00pm

The party already begun. People wouldn’t stop tropping in.This is my best time of the year. I look forward tomy father hosting his business partners, having lots of food, drinks, music, fun and of course time out with my Dad.

‘ChiefWilliams I am so happy to see you with your delectable wifeand your lovely daughter, Mrs Williams it is always nice having you around’ that is the voice of my father chief Tade the owner of O&T enterprises always going on business trip all around the world to meet his business partners he works too hard and he is never around, he just came into town today and he would be travelling tomorrow for another business trip. Whenever I complain, he would say ‘OmololaIwork so hard for you to have a comfortable future’

Figuring, it was quite difficult getting Dad’s attention,I decided to join Mum on the dance floor as I heardKing Sunny Ade’ssong ‘Majaiyeoni’my Mum’s favourite track of the great music legend, while dancing with her Uncle Kunle came to join us and before I realised the dance floor was filled with people dancing to the melodious tune. I saw uncle Kunle dancing with Sandra Williams the only daughter of Chief Williams. They kept holding hands and wouldn’t let go off themselves.

Omolade help get my slippers from the room my leg hurts badly I need to get down from this heels Mumsaid. Immediately, I ran up till the stairs. Suddenly,Iheard sounds of two people struggling with each other in the kitchen, curiosity got me so I decided to check what was going on. As I opened the kitchen door to my greatest surprise,I saw uncle Kunle dragging someone my her clothes he wasn’t facing me directly so I didn’t know what was happening.

I was so scared because I saw a knife on the kitchen cabinet and the heat of the struggle was really intense.I started crying.I didn’t realize when I gave out a loud scream. Help! I shouted.

My voice filled the air. In no time the kitchen became filled with people. Everyone who had come for the party had gathered. Suddenly, Uncle Kunle freed his captive. He gave me that look of disgust.

Then I realised the person whom I thought was trying to kill my dearest uncle was Sandra Williams and she was half naked while uncle Kunle was pants down over her.

O my God!I muttered out.

‘What is the meaning of this, what is all this shenanigans about?, Kunle most you always bring reproach to the family, of all the ladies here it just had to be my business partners daughter Chief Williams what is wrong with you, I mean don’t you have some decency in the kitchen,Kunle where we cook and serve our food I am so speechless and disappointed just put on your clothes before her father gets in here’ 

My father said not knowing Chief Williams and his wife were standingbehind him as he turned Chief Williams was filled with so much rage and disappointment, `Tade our friendship is over and I am pressing charges on rape against your family’

Chief Williams said with seriousness written all over his face. Pressing charges for what?  Sandra is 22 years old. Uncle Kunle had the nerves to voice out his opinion on this awkward situation, Chief Williams was so furious that he almost threw Uncle a punch. With tears and shock laden voice, Chief Williams screamed,“she is only 16 years old”. The room suddenly began to spin.

Serah Aina

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