Anyone can be an Abuser

Contrary to popular belief, an abuser does not look or behave a certain type of way. Abusers sometimes grow up in privileged home and experience love and care like other children. A person who is good-looking, soft-spoken and super nice can be an abuser. This is because an abuser feels the need to shut his/her spouse up, correct and control them. He/she does this and sometimes makes up for it by buying gifts or cooking a delicacy or feeling sober for a little while all a bait to appeal to the victim afterwards return to status quo.

Anyone can be Abused

It is often believed that women are the only victims of abuse. However, this thought is quickly becoming a thing of the past as it is often whispered that some men are being abused by their wives. Due to the machismo associated with men, the cases of abuse against men usually go unreported. A lot of the women who abuse their husbands do sometimes because they think they can always get away with it/ as a preventive measure. The selfish need to put fear into him often makes them do this. A child that watched their father or mother go through abuse could feel the need to control the spouse when he/she grows up except he/she goes for counselling or makes a conscious effort to resist the urge.

Abuse can be Verbal

A lot of people believe that the only time someone can be abused is only when the person has been beaten up or sexually assaulted. This is far from the truth. Verbal abuse is more dangerous because what we hear affects our thinking. The power of words is often underestimated. Words can evoke bitterness in a person and make them do what they would ordinarily not do. Some couples go through divorce after many years of marriage because they are unable to let go of the hurtful things the person said years back. Verbal abuse can wreck a person’s health by leaving the door open for conditions like Depression, High Blood Pressure and Cancer. Verbal abuse can also destroy a person’s sense of worth. A lot of people end up with low self-esteem because their partners make them feel worthless. This can cause depression and eventually lead to suicide/death.

 Abuse is about Control

The need to be in charge or subdue the next person is what gives rise to domestic violence. When a man or woman feels the need to give their spouse a reason to be afraid of them, that person might take it to the next level by lashing out at them mentally (using hurtful & demeaning words), physically (beating up the spouse), emotionally (cutting the spouse off from family & friends), financially (denying the spouse access to money so they can succumb). All the different expressions can be termed as abuse as it tampers with the well-being of the victim.

Abusers are Manipulators

Abusers are usually very good at reverse psychology. They always have a way of making the victim think that they caused it. He/she could tell the victim how no one would believe them. If that does not work, they can shed crocodile tears and threaten to kill themselves if the victim says anything about leaving. Sometimes, the abuser uses the carrot and stick technique. On one hand, they can win the victims over by showering them with expensive gifts to appeal to them. On the other hand, they can threaten to kill them or take the children away from them.

Marriage does not correct Abuse

Some people see signs of abuse and ignore such thinking it would change after marriage. Getting shouted at or receiving slaps during courtship is a red flag. Whatever a person does before marriage will not change after marriage. It will only get worse. If you are dating someone who does not value your opinion and shows disapproval by saying hurtful things, beating or shaking you to drive the point home, you need to break up that relationship. A man/woman who uses frustration as an excuse before marriage will cite frustration after the marriage. Prevention is better than cure. The damage caused by abuse is better imagined than experienced.

Children are also Victims: A lot of victims stay in the marriage because of the “how will I take care of my children?” factor. Some women do not envisage future challenges and as such don’t work to make ends meet. Even if she does, she might not be making so much to take care of them without the help of their father. Also a married woman is never welcomed back to her father’s house no matter what she experiences. She is only told to go back and endure. Unfortunately, staying in a toxic environment exposes the children to psychological trauma which can breed hatred for their parents. This can prevent the children from trusting people while making them potential abusers.

Ways to Tackle Abuse

• Speak Up: The first step is to speak up. If you are being abused, you need to cry for help. You can also record a discreet video as evidence so the necessary authorities will know that it is true. There are different bodies and NGOs that take up cases of abuse and ensure that victims get justice. You can reach out to such people to help you out.
• Separation: The next thing to do is to take the victim(s) including the children away from the abuser. This is usually done to save the lives of the victim and children. It is better to leave the abuser’s environment especially if your life is in danger
• Seek Counselling: Victims of abuse are usually traumatized due to the ill-treatment meted out on them. It is important to go for counselling in order to heal and come out of the effects of abuse. If the abuser is truly ready to desist from the act, he/she should go for counselling and be monitored. This should be done with caution as the abuser can pretend to be sorry and kill the victim once he/she moves back into the house.

Eternal vigilance is the price of liberty. As a person, don’t ignore any sign of abuse in your relationship. As a neighbour or friend, do not condone any act of abuse. Speak up today!

The post 7 Facts You Need to Know About Domestic Abuse appeared first on Hermaze | Relationship, Beauty, Fashion, Family Articles for Women.

These guidelines will ensure you have a stress-free jolly ride as you embark on your journey even with the kids on-board during the holidays.

Avoid Excess Load

If you have 2/3 kids carrying so many luggage will be too stressful for you. Kids on their own are demanding. You need to carry along only the necessary items, leave behind items you can do without so that you can manage easily with the kids and your luggage.

Get Items to Keep The Kids Busy

You would need plenty of toys, games, stickers, magnets, and colouring book just to keep the young ones busy during the trip. Allow the kids access to the toys one at a time, let them play with each until they get bored and desire another means of “distraction“.

You will be happy to took these toys along.

Do Not Forget Children’s Meals

Pack as much baby food, baby milk, meals and baby formula as you need. Its is better in excess than you are stranded on your trip. If you’re traveling with a baby or toddler, don’t worry about the 3-ounce container rule — just travel with as much food as needed to reach your destination. Bring snacks for older kids.

Allow Them Their Time

One of the best things you can give the kids during their trip is time. Children take a lot of time either in the restroom, moving around or sightseeing. Toddlers love to explore and don’t care for the time pressures of travel, so you’re more likely to all enjoy the trip if you factor the faffing, gawping, stalling, toilet stops and tantrums into your time-frame.

Keep the Weather in Mind

It’s simple advice, but children dressed comfortably for the weather and terrain will be happier in a new environment. You never can tell how hot/cold the weather may get. Ensure you take along clothing that can accommodate any weather conditions, because you do not want to be saddled with a sick child during your trip.

Encourage Them to Keep a Travel Journal

Children find documentation exciting, Get them to describe and list every interesting thing they encounter, whether food, places , games or experiences. Give them books for drawing and listing things they’ve seen and interesting foods they’ve tried. Who knows, this might also encourage them to try different and new things.

Remember To Take Along First Aid

It should already be on your travelling list, but having kids along means carrying a small first aid kit/medicine just for safety and precaution. Do not forget the essentials plasters, antihistamines and sachets of painkilling syrup can save a lot of stress later on. Take a medical kit containing items such as baby paracetamol, thermometer, anti-itching lotion, oral rehydration preparation and bandaids. Antimalarials are also essentials especially in this part of the world.

Motion Sickness

This is not only peculiar to adults but also in children. The symptoms of motion sickness include blanching (becoming pale), headache, dizziness, complaints of feeling sick and, ultimately, vomiting. Motion sickness can occur on any mode of transport, however it varies from one to another.

Suggestions to reduce the risk of motion sickness are:

*When travelling by car, take frequent rest stops.

*Make sure your child looks out the window, rather than at a stationary object inside the vehicle (such as a book).

*Fresh air is highly needed, so open the windows if possible to allow for proper ventilation.

*Anti-nausea medications are available, but check with your doctor first as some medications may not be suitable for children.

*Make sure your child eats something before travelling, but avoid heavy or greasy foods.

General Tips to Make Travelling with Children Stress-free:

*Take a good supply of disposable nappies and wipes.

*Older children will like having their own (disposable) camera and holiday diary so they can record their own impressions.

*See your doctor about immunizations beforehand.

*Pack sunscreen, hats and insect repellent.

*Be particularly careful about the potential dangers of unfamiliar places, such as unfenced swimming pools or balconies.

*Take all sterilising equipment with you if your child is bottle-fed.

*Avoid animals such as dogs, cats and monkeys, to reduce the risk of bites.

Travelling with children is challenging, but planning ahead of time will reduce stress of any kind. If your child is old enough, involve them in planning for the trip so they can get excited about it. Make sure to include enough family events and child-oriented activities to amuse them during the holidays.

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Let’s assume you have tried all you can and the child does not bulge. These 10 tips will help you win the fight against bedtime woes.

Everyone Goes to Bed at The Same Time

When it is time to go to bed, ensure everyone gets involved. Do not just send the children off to bed without you also going to bed. Once it is bedtime, then everyone goes to bed. Staying awake while putting the children in bed makes it difficult for the children to get some sleep. You all go to bed at the same time to ensure the children sleep on time, once you are assured they are settled in, you can then move on to do some other things.

Allow Your Child Go By The Bedtime Pattern

Ideally children need between 9 and 12 hours of sleep each night, but sometimes sleep needs and patterns differ. Most children have patterns that don’t change much, no matter the days’ hardship, stress or whatever may have been done. An early riser will still get up early even if you put them to bed later and one who sleeps really late won’t usually fall asleep until their body is ready. Know how much sleep your child needs in order to wake up refreshed and you can set an appropriate bedtime.

Always Prepare Them For Bed Every Night

This is especially important for infants, toddlers and children in general. Doing specific things before bed, such as bath and story time- this can be called bed time routines. Preparing them for bed is comforting and relaxing. It sets the perfect bedtime atmosphere, it makes them sleep deep all night long. As you continue in this, the child’s body automatically starts to become sleepy at the beginning of their routine.

The TV Should be off at Least Two Hours Before Bedtime

Research has shown that the light rays from the screen of electronic devices e.g television, phone, tablet, computer etc. interfere with the production of the hormone melatonin. Melatonin is an important piece of sleep-wake cycles. When melatonin levels are at their highest, most people are sleepy and ready for bed. Just a half an hour of TV before bed can mess with that enough to keep your child up an extra two hours!

Reduce Play Times Before Bedtime

Another hormone that plays a role in sleep is cortisol, also known as the “stress hormone.” Play times are high over-excited times. When cortisol levels are high, your child’s body won’t be able to shut down and go to sleep. Ensure bedtime activities are calm, the lights dim (sometimes it is not advisable that the lights are off, most children are scared of the dark), and the environment quiet will help avoid excess amount of cortisol in your child’s system.

Make the Bedroom Comfortable for Sleep

Too many toys can make it so difficult to put your child to sleep. Clear the bed, use warm clean sheets, soft pillows, room-darkening shades, well ventilated room and relative quiet will not only help your child differentiate between day and night but set the right atmosphere/temperature, making it easier to fall asleep.

Help Your Child Deal With Night Fears/Scares

Some children experience inability to sleep as a result of bedtime fears/fear of the dark. Instead of dismissing bedtime fears, address them. If simple reassurance doesn’t work, you can try buying a special toy to stand guard at night or spray the room with “monster spray” before bed. (A can of air freshener could pass for the monster spray…lol)

Change The “Sleep” Mindset

Just like adults, kids can have trouble shutting their brains off for the night. Most children dread the night because of bedtime, they see sleep as punishment as it prevents them from being active/playful. Instead of increasing that anxiety by insisting it is time to sleep, consider focusing more on the idea of relaxation and calming your child’s body down. Talk to your child, make him/her see the importance of bedtime. In fact go the extra mile to strike a deal say for instance more sleep equals more fun times etc.

After following these tips and your child continues to have trouble falling or staying asleep during the night, you may begin to consider the possibility of a sleep disorder. Talk to a paediatrician about your concerns, this will get the child the needed help.

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