Anyone can be an Abuser

Contrary to popular belief, an abuser does not look or behave a certain type of way. Abusers sometimes grow up in privileged home and experience love and care like other children. A person who is good-looking, soft-spoken and super nice can be an abuser. This is because an abuser feels the need to shut his/her spouse up, correct and control them. He/she does this and sometimes makes up for it by buying gifts or cooking a delicacy or feeling sober for a little while all a bait to appeal to the victim afterwards return to status quo.

Anyone can be Abused

It is often believed that women are the only victims of abuse. However, this thought is quickly becoming a thing of the past as it is often whispered that some men are being abused by their wives. Due to the machismo associated with men, the cases of abuse against men usually go unreported. A lot of the women who abuse their husbands do sometimes because they think they can always get away with it/ as a preventive measure. The selfish need to put fear into him often makes them do this. A child that watched their father or mother go through abuse could feel the need to control the spouse when he/she grows up except he/she goes for counselling or makes a conscious effort to resist the urge.

Abuse can be Verbal

A lot of people believe that the only time someone can be abused is only when the person has been beaten up or sexually assaulted. This is far from the truth. Verbal abuse is more dangerous because what we hear affects our thinking. The power of words is often underestimated. Words can evoke bitterness in a person and make them do what they would ordinarily not do. Some couples go through divorce after many years of marriage because they are unable to let go of the hurtful things the person said years back. Verbal abuse can wreck a person’s health by leaving the door open for conditions like Depression, High Blood Pressure and Cancer. Verbal abuse can also destroy a person’s sense of worth. A lot of people end up with low self-esteem because their partners make them feel worthless. This can cause depression and eventually lead to suicide/death.

 Abuse is about Control

The need to be in charge or subdue the next person is what gives rise to domestic violence. When a man or woman feels the need to give their spouse a reason to be afraid of them, that person might take it to the next level by lashing out at them mentally (using hurtful & demeaning words), physically (beating up the spouse), emotionally (cutting the spouse off from family & friends), financially (denying the spouse access to money so they can succumb). All the different expressions can be termed as abuse as it tampers with the well-being of the victim.

Abusers are Manipulators

Abusers are usually very good at reverse psychology. They always have a way of making the victim think that they caused it. He/she could tell the victim how no one would believe them. If that does not work, they can shed crocodile tears and threaten to kill themselves if the victim says anything about leaving. Sometimes, the abuser uses the carrot and stick technique. On one hand, they can win the victims over by showering them with expensive gifts to appeal to them. On the other hand, they can threaten to kill them or take the children away from them.

Marriage does not correct Abuse

Some people see signs of abuse and ignore such thinking it would change after marriage. Getting shouted at or receiving slaps during courtship is a red flag. Whatever a person does before marriage will not change after marriage. It will only get worse. If you are dating someone who does not value your opinion and shows disapproval by saying hurtful things, beating or shaking you to drive the point home, you need to break up that relationship. A man/woman who uses frustration as an excuse before marriage will cite frustration after the marriage. Prevention is better than cure. The damage caused by abuse is better imagined than experienced.

Children are also Victims: A lot of victims stay in the marriage because of the “how will I take care of my children?” factor. Some women do not envisage future challenges and as such don’t work to make ends meet. Even if she does, she might not be making so much to take care of them without the help of their father. Also a married woman is never welcomed back to her father’s house no matter what she experiences. She is only told to go back and endure. Unfortunately, staying in a toxic environment exposes the children to psychological trauma which can breed hatred for their parents. This can prevent the children from trusting people while making them potential abusers.

Ways to Tackle Abuse

• Speak Up: The first step is to speak up. If you are being abused, you need to cry for help. You can also record a discreet video as evidence so the necessary authorities will know that it is true. There are different bodies and NGOs that take up cases of abuse and ensure that victims get justice. You can reach out to such people to help you out.
• Separation: The next thing to do is to take the victim(s) including the children away from the abuser. This is usually done to save the lives of the victim and children. It is better to leave the abuser’s environment especially if your life is in danger
• Seek Counselling: Victims of abuse are usually traumatized due to the ill-treatment meted out on them. It is important to go for counselling in order to heal and come out of the effects of abuse. If the abuser is truly ready to desist from the act, he/she should go for counselling and be monitored. This should be done with caution as the abuser can pretend to be sorry and kill the victim once he/she moves back into the house.

Eternal vigilance is the price of liberty. As a person, don’t ignore any sign of abuse in your relationship. As a neighbour or friend, do not condone any act of abuse. Speak up today!

The post 7 Facts You Need to Know About Domestic Abuse appeared first on Hermaze | Relationship, Beauty, Fashion, Family Articles for Women.

In this article, we will be taking you on a relationship journey with several warning signals. These could serve as a pointer to a potential abusive marriage.

How Often Does He Snap?

Physical abuse starts with a little disagreement, then anger, to burning rage. This feeling may occur once in a blue moon or at every slight provocation; it may be directed towards you, a close relation or even a pet. Either the reason is justifiable or not, anger should be moderate. To fully understand how to manage this feeling of anger, then consider reading our previous article. Physical abuse is neither normal nor healthy.

Does He Coerce You into Romance?

Kisses, pecks and hugs should not be demanded under compulsion. He may use force on you from the simple sexual exercise down to the intimate, forcefully controls the way you dress, make you terminate a pregnancy, make you watch porn or make you drink alcohol against your wish. That is more than a warning sign of intending doom in your marriage.

Does He Constantly Insult you or Intimidate You with His Words?

He does not have to beat you to abuse you. This is capable of lowering self-esteem and damaging one’s self-confidence. Once he criticizes you consistently without an occasional praise, call you names, embarrasses you, threatens you with the relationship and acts like everything is your fault. Then it is tending towards abuse in itself.

Does He Deprive You of Funds?

This may sound absurd. However, if he deprives you of working or earning your own money, lavishes you with too much money rather than care, stylishly robs you of your earning and leaves you almost bankrupt with different stories – No matter how genuine his reasons are, it is an intending doom.

Does He Stalk You?

How often does he stalk your every move – especially on social media? When your partner is extremely jealous, beware!  Especially when he begins to monitor every change in your phone, social media passwords or determine who should be or not be your friends.

Finally, several women are stuck in an abusive marriage. They find it difficult opting out, majorly because of the religious sentiments or a cultural background that bluntly preaches against divorce. The good news for singles today is that you have a choice.  You can choose to WATCH OUT for these signs or to have a carefree attitude to your relationship. What would you rather choose?

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