Five Reasons Why Your Sex Life Is Not Adding Up

A Couple holding hands

What is the secret glue that holds a marriage together? Love? Sex? Money? Friendship?

Depending on your marital status-single or married, you are likely to finger sex as the answer to the question.

Is sex an intense act of expressing love or a genital meet & greet? Your response may depend on your marital status as unmarried people think all married people do is have sex.

Whether this is right or wrong depends on the parties involved in the relationship. However, sexual relations or simply put, sex in marriage is a major determinant of marital health. An increase, a decrease or a change in the overall experience may help couples gauge their marital temperature correctly.

Don’t think this is not an important part of marriage? think again. Many counsellors and sex therapists spend most of their time identifying reasons for a change in sexual patterns while proferring solutions for couples under pressure to improve in this area. If you are about to be or already married and looking to guess the likely reason for a decrease in coitus, you are in the right place.

Here are five possible reasons why your sex life may not be adding up:

1. Work Stress

The average human spends most of their life working. Your job affects you both positively and negatively. Finding fulfilment in your work makes it easy to see its impact on bedroom matters. Interestingly, it is not easy to draw a straight line from work to a decline in sex within marriage. It is easy to forget how one part of our lives affects the other parts, directly or indirectly. Sex is an act of intimacy that involves both body and soul. Apart from being physically demanding, the quality of sexual relations between a couple depends on their emotional balance as well.

A bad day at work could impact the fulfilment of this marital rite negatively. Focusing on extremely hard work instead of smart work may put you and your partner in an unhealthy sexual position. To curb this, start by reviewing your work pattern. Also, do everything possible to work smart while maintaining a positive mindset during work and at the close of business. Getting home in high spirits will help you put your energy to good use in the bedroom.

2. Bad Nutrition

This is another likely cause of sexual challenges in marriage. The cliche ‘Garbage in, Garbage out‘, helps put this in perspective. A review of how the body interacts with food helps shed light on the role of food in sexual matters. Nutrients such as carbohydrates, vitamins, and minerals among other important elements nourish the body and sharpen the mind. Poor eating habits burden your organs and force your body to extract non-existent energy from your cells.

The body receives signals from the brain when certain nutrients are not available. These signals can make your body strip your cells of important nutrients to keep you going. This action could lead to a nutrition deficit or imbalance which leaves you weaker than you should be. What does this mean for the time spent with your partner during sex? Perhaps a reduction or the need to stop abruptly to recoup lost energy. The impact of this on the quality of sex goes without saying. The logical way out is to take a deeper look at your feeding habits. Does your meal have the right balance of vegetables, fruits and other essential elements? Will it nourish the body and soul? Does your food supply the body with the necessary amount of energy it needs to function? Think about it.

3. Wrong Knowledge

According to research, many people learn about sex by watching and interacting with pornographic materials. Invariably, this would mean either of two things: 1. Many people have the wrong idea of what sex should be like 2. Certain unreal expectations may be attached to this important ingredient for marital bonding. It is possible that pornography may have a few good sides. However, pornography makes it easy to see sex as a selfish act or a means to a highly pleasurable end.

How sex is displayed or described in pornographic videos or reading materials makes this so. It is an open secret that stimulants are used to help the actors in pornographic materials get into character. This makes expecting a similar performance from your partner unrealistic. Therefore, counsellors and sex therapists are in the best position to assist couples who want to explore and enjoy sex.

The next reason sheds more light on this point. Keep reading.

4. Poor Communication

Communication goes beyond talking; it involves the use of verbal and non-verbal cues during the exchange of messages. This means partners are bound to pay attention to what is expressed by their significant other. If a couple is not able to clearly express or interpret pleasure or pain, there could be tension. This might make one party endure or avoid sex every chance they get.

Your partner may not enjoy certain acts during sex. Discuss this while preserving the next person’s dignity. That is one way to initiate the move from bad to enjoyable. Also, consider a session with a sex therapist to gain positive knowledge and a deep understanding of your partner’s needs.

5. Personal Hygiene

The parts of the body involved and the exchange of bodily fluids make sex an extremely sensitive and intimate act. This means the difference between good and bad sexual experiences may be (un)cleanliness. If your partner is constantly looking for a cop-out, you may be giving ‘dirty’ vibes that make your partner uncomfortable.

Here are a few questions to ask yourself. Do I smell nice? Does my breath stink? Maybe my nether region needs grooming? Is my pH balanced? Do I need a bath? Are the bedsheets clean? Does my hair smell damp?

Getting the answers to these questions may be a game-changer.

Male or female, you want to show up for the act of lovemaking in your cleanest and most attractive form. This includes paying attention to every part of your body and your smell. A visit to a health expert (like a gynaecologist) may help you get the nether region in order. Remember that the state of your body and smell impacts how sex plays out. Don’t leave this to chance. Do right by your body and raise the bar of the sexual frequency in your relationship.

Any of the above may be a possible reason for poor sexual pleasure. It is important to understand that there may be bad sex days. Shit happens. Having constant bad days every other day is a major cause of concern. If this has become normal in your relationship, address it so your partner does not seek sexual pleasure elsewhere.

Now you know five likely reasons why your sex life may need a fix. The next article gives practical steps to getting your sex life back on track. Don’t forget to like, share and leave a comment below.

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