Can we just discuss a little about marriage, I mean the way marriage is seen in this part of the world. I think Marriage is about a twenty (20) unit course that must not be carried over because if you do, it puts you in a big hot mess. Everyone starts giving you that identity of an unserious being as if marriage is an achievement. Well you cannot measure achievement in this part of our world without mentioning the ‘he/ she is married to another adorable fellow and blessed with wonderful kids’ phrase.
But is marriage really a compulsion? Does it matter if you miss that particular stage in life? Does it make you less responsible or successful? Can marriage be equated worth to success? Does marriage define your destiny? Does getting married automatically fulfil your dreams? To these questions society says YES but let us for once snap out of fantasy and cultural demands; let us be a bit more realistic; is it really a yes for you?
Marriage is indeed beautiful and everyone is encouraged to get married for a whole lot of reasons but some people do not even have a genuine reason for getting married. Many tie the knot just to have children who will support their future (children that might not even remember you when you need them), many get married to fulfill the social order; some parents must have pressurized their kids into getting married. You hear phrases like ‘I gave birth to you, you should also reciprocate that gesture’. And finally a lot of people settle for less just to fulfil their parent’s wish.
And then we complain of bad marriages, a lot of people are enduring abused marriages because they have simply settled for less due to the pressure to get married. In this part of the world a divorcee is even worse than an unmarried person, you cannot just leave that marriage. People will tell you, patience is a virtue you ought to have in a marriage. And that is why we see women suffering in silence in the hands of a man that does not take care of them and their children, men suffer from wives that constantly nags them, some women keep quiet till that boxer of a husband beats them to death. One reason most people cheat in their marriage is because they are enduring their marriage and you dare not report to your parents; you might end up being the one to be blamed and the end of the series of complain is always ‘be patient’.
Of course marriage requires patience because you are two different people living together, you have to learn how to manage each other’s excesses but there is a limit to everything in life. You cannot stay in an abusive marriage and still be patient, if you die suffering, that partner will remarry and your family member will only shed tears of ‘had I known’; and of course the almighty society will move on without you.
Marriage is nice but if you do not want to get married, it is not a compulsion o!, do not get married because you want to satisfy people; get married because you want to; with genuine reason, do not rush into marriage, I mean take your time, it is not a do or die affair. Being single will not limit you but being in a wrong marriage can go as far as destroying you. Stop allowing society to define who you are, they will only talk and then forget someday, just simply ignore them and work out your destiny with yourself, build your dreams with your own hands.
It is worthy to note that marriage is great, the best thing that can happen to anyone, but we should not be judged by our marital status.
‘Tayo Ejikunle
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