Relationships with a spouse come with unique challenges. Living with your spouse within the confines of marriage is a different kettle of fish. This is expected based on the unending nature of forever. However, contrary to what is widely believed, offences usually come from the little things. These little actions do not look harmful at first until they snowball into major issues and water down the strength of the union. Experienced counsellors are able to advise couples to look out for these little actions that can create a big wedge in no time.
Here are five acts that may be driving your spouse nuts:
1. Staying on the Phone
Living in a digital age means relying on your mobile phone for communication and work-related needs. This also means having a strong presence on social media platforms and apps such as Facebook, WhatsApp and Instagram and more. The addictive nature of these apps translates to endless scrolling and fear of missing out (FOMO). Though a valid move, it affects valuable couple time and breeds resentment. The way forward is to time your phone use and set it aside after the stipulated minutes or hours. Your relationship will be better for it.
2. Not Giving Enough Compliments
Living with another person demands a measure of tact and maturity. Ensuring your spouse feels good and complete around you is a great way to boost their self-esteem. This means looking for every reason to say good things to them. If you believe your spouse should know how you feel about them, you may be making the wrong impression by your inaction. Also, there may be a tendency to compliment strangers because of the outcomes it provides. The world is already tough enough, taking the initiative to say nice things is a great way to set the right tone in your space.
3. Holding Back Affection
You know the golden rule – love your neighbour as yourself. In this case, your neighbour is your spouse, your second half – the one person who is able to see every side of you yet decides to stay in your life. How you treat them is a pointer to how they might treat you. So if you have ever felt the need to keep sealed lips instead of showering your significant other with ‘accolades’ or kind words, you are wrong. Gentle and sincere words of affection give a whole level of high while taking the next person’s self-esteem up by one notch. What happens if your partner senses unkindness or feels slighted? Your guess is as good as mine. It does not augur well. Make it a culture to be openly affectionate towards your spouse. This will in turn cause them to shower you with love.
4. Buying Presents YOU Like
As a child, did you ever have moments of sulking because you had to eat a meal you did not like so much? Remember how that made you feel? Then you should understand why this is a bad idea. While it is important and thoughtful to give your spouse a gift, it is also necessary to review the reason behind your action. Did you give them that particular present because you believed it was specially made for them or was it a gift of convenience? Thoughtfulness as it concerns gifting is tied to how much the recipient of the gift will like it. So before you consider getting a present for the one you love, find out if it is a gift they would love and appreciate. Think about it!
5. Putting the Children First
Children are a gift to their parents. However, the tendency to make them the centre of your world at your spouse’s expense looms. While it is important to show your children undiluted love and affection, the ability to balance this alongside catering to your significant other’s needs remains paramount. Starving your partner can drive a wedge between you and them while rubbing off on the children negatively.
An easy way to ensure this does not happen includes spending focused time away from the little ones. Weekly date nights in a warm, romantic setting are a great option for bonding and enjoying each other’s company.
There you have it, five habits that make your spouse unhappy. Which of these caught you by surprise?
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Now that you know how your behaviour may be affecting your marriage, how about moving things around to make your union more fun?
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