Identifying the Sources of Family Drama

Before we dive into the solutions, it’s crucial to understand the root causes of family drama. Some common sources include:

• Communication breakdown: Poor communication can lead to misunderstandings and conflicts.
• Different values and beliefs: Clashing values and beliefs can create tension and disagreements.
• Unresolved issues: Unaddressed problems can simmer beneath the surface, causing resentment and anger.
• External factors: External influences like social media, friends, and societal expectations can also contribute to family drama.

Effective Strategies for Managing Family Drama

1. Improve Communication

• Practice active listening: Pay attention to what your family members are saying and show empathy.
• Use ‘I’ statements: Express your feelings and thoughts without blaming or accusing others.
• Set clear boundaries: Establish respect and understanding by setting clear expectations.

2. Address Issues Head-On

• Identify the problem: Be honest and acknowledge the issue.
• Use constructive conflict resolution: Address the issue in a respectful and calm manner.
• Seek mediation: If necessary, consider seeking the help of a mediator or counselor.

3. Embrace Forgiveness and Understanding

• Let go of grudges: Release resentment and anger, and work towards forgiveness.
• Show empathy and compassion: Try to see things from your family member’s perspective.
• Practice self-reflection: Recognize your own flaws and weaknesses to better understand others.

4. Set Boundaries and Prioritize Self-Care

• Establish personal space: Set boundaries to protect your physical and emotional well-being.
• Prioritize self-care: Engage in activities that nourish your mind, body, and soul.
• Seek support: Reach out to friends, support groups, or therapy for additional guidance and care.

5. Seek Professional Help

• Family therapy: Consider seeking the help of a professional therapist or counselor.
• Individual counseling: Address personal issues and develop coping strategies.
• Support groups: Join a support group to connect with others who face similar challenges.

Conclusion

Dealing with family drama can be challenging, but it’s not impossible. By understanding the sources of family drama and implementing effective strategies, you can maintain healthy relationships with your loved ones. Remember to prioritize communication, address issues head-on, embrace forgiveness and understanding, set boundaries, and seek professional help when needed. With time, patience, and effort, you can overcome family drama and nurture positive, loving connections with your family members.

The post How to Deal with Family Drama: Maintaining Healthy Relationships with Loved Ones appeared first on Hermaze | Relationship, Beauty, Fashion, Family Articles for Women.

February is the month of love. However, every day is another opportunity to love yourself better. Considering how much attention Valentine’s Day gets every year, you are about to find out how to deliberately love yourself.

1. Affirm Yourself

The mistake many people make is constantly waiting for love and affection from somebody else. In the event that there is no lover to do this for you, filling that void on your own is the best way to go. All it takes is standing in front of a mirror and speaking good words aloud. This helps boost your self-esteem while giving you the chance to see yourself as a total human worthy of love and validation.

2. Splurge on Yourself

Saving is a great way to plan for your future. However, there are moments you need to treat yourself nicely. Outsourcing personal enjoyment to other parties may leave you feeling resentful. There are moments you need to go above and beyond for yourself. Identify such moments and draw up a plan to show yourself love on a budget. Easy activities such as eating out, buying a special gift on a day of your choice and changing an item that has served you for a long time remain options to try out. Do this and watch your soul thank you.

3. Celebrate Loved Ones

There is more to love and affection than romantic relationships. In a world where there is always so much to do, it is easy to focus on finding a significant other and forget your family and friends. The family and friends you have gotten from childhood remain an important part of your life. These are people who knew and loved you when there was no real reason to. They bring a special balance to your world whether it is obvious or not. By calling, texting or paying a visit to these awesome people, you nurture these lifelong relationships and attract unconditional love that makes you feel whole and well. The good feeling of seeing them enjoy your attention will make you smile. Try this out today!

4. Move Your Body

In this digital age, the sedentary lifestyle remains a constant. From scrolling through different timelines to staring at laptop screens, it takes conscious efforts to get movement-induced dopamine today. Studies have shown that the key to a healthy lifestyle is intentional movements. This is why you should treat yourself to physical activities such as dance, yoga and cardio at least 2-3 times a week. This impacts your mind, body and soul in ways that only years can reveal. Add this to your weekly routine and get the chance to feel like a brand-new you always.

5. Lean Into Nature

Staring at the wall, screens and busy roads from the window remains the norm in this fast-paced world. These and many other indoor habits have the tendency to leave you mentally tired and drained. This does not only impact the body, it also affects the mind. According to science, experiencing nature in form of green scenery, the sea and sunlight improves dopamine and vitamin D levels positively. This does not only help you relax as a person, but it also gives you the boost needed to focus on and complete daily tasks. Also, the occasional silence and gentle sounds associated with nature can help you meditate while calming the noise in your head. Nature speaks if you open your heart. Show yourself intense love and calm your frayed nerves by exploring the great outdoors today.

There you have it! Five easy ways to love yourself fiercely. Stop waiting for others to show you love. You have one life to live. Enjoy it by showing yourself love every single day. Happy Valentine’s Day!

The post Five Ways to Love Yourself Better As a Single appeared first on Hermaze | Relationship, Beauty, Fashion, Family Articles for Women.

It is generally believed that marriage naturally favours the male gender. From having a home to go to, to having someone carry and bear their offspring, there are many reasons why marriage seems to benefit the menfolk. However, it is safe to say that this belief is slowly fading away as many men claim that they are no longer looking to settle down with one person.

After asking random men questions and hearing their answers, here are ten reasons why men no longer look forward to marriage:

1. Fear of Commitment

Based on recent developments, many men no longer want to be attached to one woman as required within the tenets of marriage. While living single guarantees unending access to different types of women without guilt, marriage requires committing to ONLY one woman. This means spending time, and attention while focusing on one woman only. This may not sound like fun to a man who believes having a new woman to excite him every week or month is the way to go. While staying with one woman may be ideal, new-generation men may find the concept of committing to one challenging. Considering the ‘variety’ lifestyle readily available in the world today, this change does not necessarily come as a surprise.

2. Career Focus

Some men starting a career or hoping to grow in their career at times defer their relationship goals to focus on their career and avoid any distractions. This is to give them the time and focus needed to grow, especially in demanding careers. In light of these strong career goals, spending time to build a relationship would not rank high on their to-do list. This is why relationships for many men take the back burner until they get to their preferred level on the ladder and decide to get a partner to help them in the future.

3. Fear of Financial Responsibilities

Being truly interested in having a partner means knowing the place of money and responsibilities in marriage. Such responsibilities include paying rent for a bigger place, spending money on a big wedding and taking care of school and hospital fees when children come into the picture, there is definitely so much to be expected of a married man. This explains why many men may no longer want to get married especially if they believe they do not have the financial capabilities needed to sustain a marriage. Bills put immense pressure on men financially and the phobia of this pressure can make them decide not to get married.

4. Past Relationship Experiences

Men who have had bad relationships or marriages in the past can be afraid of new commitments. This is due to the trauma of the things they have experienced in their previous relationships. It is however necessary for men with bad relationship experiences to see a counsellor. This step would allow them to heal correctly while also helping them get over any phobia they may have about entering a new relationship.

5. Love for Independence

Accountability remains a vital part of the marriage institution. This means you always have to share details of your actions, plans, whereabouts and more with your significant other. Based on upbringing, some men love their freedom and are not willing to let go of it. This means they are not ready for co-dependence to have successful marriages and relationships. In light of this, marriage is not a good step for them.

6. Divorce Phobia

The current high divorce rate is another reason why some men may not want to marry. The cost of divorce is quite high and many men are not willing to pay such a price. This cost includes financial costs and emotional costs. Financial costs include loss of assets, loss of income due to alimony payment, and loss of time due to the adjoining court process. The emotional costs are heartbreaks, separation from children, and the pain associated with these. Considering how much divorce takes out of affected parties, staying single as a man seems like a better option.

7. Alternative Lifestyle

Some men are comfortable being single and they are really not interested in marriage. As long as they are comfortable with their life choices and are not bothered by the possibility of loneliness, staying unmarried is not a challenge to them.

8. Zero Desire for Children

In many parts of the world, children are considered a success symbol for married couples. As beautiful as the idea of children may be, birthing them comes with so much responsibility that some men are willing to stay without them. This means men who love their freedom and do not want to have children may avoid marriage as having a wife could increase the possibility of having children whether they like it or not. Therefore staying single remains the best way to avoid this conundrum.

9. Lack of Attraction

Men may not be deeply attracted to the women around them or the woman they are in a relationship with. This would mean that they do not want to settle with their current woman but would rather wait for the more attractive option. There are many reasons for this. However, this makes these men uninterested in marriage until the woman who fits their vision of the perfect one shows up. It might take years or decades before this preferred woman shows up which reduces the possibility of getting married to the barest minimum.

This list is not exhaustive as every man is different and unique and the reason they do not want to marry remains unique to them. Others may have multiple concerns and reasons for not wanting to marry. Whatever the reasons are, it is good to discuss your desire for marriage with the man you are in a relationship with. This is to be sure that they share this desire with you and avoid future frustrations.

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However there have been series of misconception about how this day is meant to be celebrated which have been highlighted below.
Below are some misconceptions about Valentine’s Day:

Hoping to Get Laid

Valentine’s day has been tagged as a day of free sexual escapade especially for the unmarried, so many ladies have been swayed away with the idea of sex being an evidence of love while in reality this is not totally true. Do not get me wrong, I do not mean ladies only have sex on Valentine’s day, but the naïve ones mostly falls for this ideology after been showered with gifts and sweet words. After the February 14th fever there are series of abortion while a lot of young ladies become single mother all because of the Valentine’s day fever.

Valentine’s Day Must be Celebrated with a Guy

Valentine’s day is a day to show love to everyone including yourself. Single ladies, you do not need a guy to make you feel good about yourself, give yourself a nice treat and shower yourself with gifts. Your life does not revolve around a guy. Start by loving yourself and I assure you won’t regret it.

Gifts to Loved Ones Must Only Be on Valentine’s Day

This is another fallacy. You shouldn’t wait for Valentine’s day before you show love to your loved ones, I mean “If you really love someone, then everyday must be your valentine day”. You do not have to wait for the valentine fever to set in before you show love.

It Must Be an Expensive Gift

You don’t have to break your purse or break into the bank before you show love to your loved one by buying the most expensive gifts. The thought you put into picking out the gift is what matter most and not how expensive the gift is, except your spouse is materialistic.

Valentine Day is all About the Girl

This is a selfish mentality on the part of the ladies in this part of the world. So many ladies believe they are entitled to all the gifts for Valentine’s Day. In fact, some ladies don’t give their spouse anything; showing up empty handed and expecting to receive the whole world from their boyfriends or husband.

Getting the Engagement Ring

I call this a lame misconception if your spouse is going to put a ring on the finger, valentine’s day should not be a prompter for him to pop the question. Valentine’s Day sure comes with a lot of craze and you wouldn’t want to be caught up in the rat race of Valentine’s Day.

Valentine’s day comes with a whole lot of emotions both genuine and non-genuine, so I will advise you show love just because you have the capacity to show love. During this season show love to the needy and live the true legacy of St Valentine; if you honestly want to celebrate his legacy.

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This year’s Valentine’s Day may just be the perfect dream of anyone who seeks to save cash and hang out alone or with friends. Not only is it a weekday, it is also Ash Wednesday (Catholic faithfuls know that this is an important day for Lent) and it is a day for Football lovers as Champion League unleashes Real Madrid Vs PSG. Many people will spend this day alone as declaring love will not be tied to a significant other. This year’s Valentine’s Day will be the perfect chance for football fans to declare their love for their favourite clubs.

If you are not a football lover or a Catholic, you may want to avoid feeling bad when leboo decides to go to the viewing centre or have friends over at his place. It goes without saying that a lot of babes will spend this day away from the mushy setting Feb 14 is known for. The good part is this; you don’t need anyone to show you love when you have got yourself covered. Whether you plan to celebrate love on Valentine’s Day or push the celebration to the weekend, this article is going to show you how to have great fun without breaking the bank or missing that special guy.

Here are 4 solid ways to pamper yourself this Valentine’s Day.

Go to the Spa

Many ladies feel that it costs a fortune to get the glow they long for. With as little as 10k, you can give your skin a new look by getting a full body scrub. This will not only help relieve the stress of the week, it will also give you the feel of relaxation that comes with spoiling yourself while taking off the dead cells on the surface of your skin. If you have some more cash to spare, you can throw in a full body massage and feel each rub remove tension in a way that will make you smile. You can make it a fun experience by making it an all-girls party. Just get all your friends to sign up for the spa experience and go for a drink afterwards. Try it this Valentine’s Day/weekend and feel your body thank you.

Visit the Mall

It is no hidden fact that the end of the holidays has eliminated the possibility of going on a road trip with friends and loved one but this is a different way to have a good time. A trip to the mall does not have to depend on how much free time you have got on your hands. All you need do is meet with your friends at a venue and call an Uber or Taxify cab to take you to the mall. There are different interesting spots to trade gist, grab a bite and window shop without getting bored. Window shopping is a great way to remind yourself of the beauty of making more money. You can also end the mall trip on a good note by seeing a movie together. That way, you get to laugh, cry and analyze the movie as a group. Just make a pick and move around to enjoy yourself this Valentine’s Day.

Go to the Beach

Water has a refreshing effect on everyone (and no, we are not talking about chilled water in a bottle). The beach is the place to enjoy the warmth of Mother Nature in form of the beautiful sun, taste of salt and the cool breeze that leaves you smiling. One place to visit this season is the serene Leisure Lake at Lekki. It does not cost much to get in (about 1500 or so) and there are a lot of edibles to choose from. You also get to move on water by cruising on the boat or trying your hands at Jet Skiing. There are other fun activities to choose from which will leave your adrenaline pumping while blessing your camera with cool pictures. Choose a date and have all the fun the beach has to offer alone or with your friends.

Stop at a Karaoke Bar

This activity is for the songbirds and their fans. If you love a challenge and have a soft spot for singing, you might want to try this with your goons. The ambience of a karaoke bar is dark and cosy enough to add a spark to your evening. Add a few drinks and suya or food to the mix and see the atmosphere light up for you and your friends. This activity is perfect for Valentine’s Day because night time is synonymous with karaoke. All you have to do is make provision for a sleepover so all the girls can get up the next morning and leave for work. You can also have a dress code and exchange gifts with the girls to make it a perfect night of love.

Now go on, have great fun and create sweets memories on and off camera with your goons this Valentine’s Day.

The post The February 14 Issue-Four Fun Activities to Make This Valentine’s Day Special appeared first on Hermaze | Relationship, Beauty, Fashion, Family Articles for Women.

These movies will always ring a bell in the mind of movie lovers.

Lagos Cougars

Romantic here could possibly be for one of the couples in the movie. They all had their issues and were dealing with them as well as they could but the characters of the boss lady and her employee got my attention the most. A young lad who had a crush on his boss and found a way to nurture this crush till it turned to love for her.  This is not the everyday kind of love and that is the tripping part of it all because in the employer/employee way, they find genuine love and romance.

Mr. & Mrs.

At the beginning of the movie, there was nothing romantic about their marriage. A lady barrister doing all she can to make her husband happy and her marriage blissful but her husband nonsense her efforts and makes her feel like she is nothing and so she decided to give him a taste of his medicine. Apparently, he had to show how much he loves her so she doesn’t walk away from his life.

“76

Seventy six is a historical fictional drama that showed how an Army officer fell in love with an O level student and she eventually got pregnant for him. Even though the relationship is dented by constant military posting, the couple still find a way to make it through all of that and hold strong through it all.

Flower Girl

She is a pretty and simple florist who tries her best to live a normal and good life. Her boyfriend on the other hand seems to be lost in working his best for his boss. She decides to team up with a popular actor to get her boyfriend jealous and let him know what he is missing. The process of all these gives our “flower girl” some experience she never knew about.

Okafor’s Law

Notorious playboy “Chucks the Terminator” felt like nothing or no one can make him be in love until he meets this persistent female who showed that he can love and be loved regardless. Chuck starts to find reasons to love someone and share a romantic life asides his life of promiscuousness and he decides to settle down. In the end love actually matters.

Today, Nollywood has done well to portray love and romance. Kudos Nollywood!

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Flower girl

This is a story of a humble flourish who seemed to want the total attention of her boyfriend and thereafter proposal. So decided to team up with a huge movie star she met by chance so as to get her boyfriend to see what he is missing by having to side line her. As she does this, she also finds a way to have fun while at it. This movie has a very big lesson of cherishing what you have so you don’t loose it/him/her to anyone or anything.

Phone Swap

A hilarious and seat sticking movie that will make you see the purpose of coincidence and how it could make love take over. Phone swap is a movie that involves a rich gentleman who mistakenly swaps his phone with a lady at the airport and then love and serendipity happens. He gets to like this humble fashion designer and falls in love with her. This movie shows that we have no idea how people live till we stick our feet in their shoes.

Super Love

Super Love depicts how a prince decides to find a wife for himself against the wish of his parents to marry a childhood friend who they have arranged for him. The prince decides to marry a lady that piqued his interest. This lady happens to be a housekeeper for her wicked stepfather and stepsisters. It truly tells a Cinderella story but one in a Nigerian setting.

Desperate Housemaids

Although a rather ‘scary’ title, it shows a good example of a guy meet girl scenario, especially when the supposed ‘street girl’ got the job of a maid for a rich man who decides to take care of her and see her as his girlfriend. Although she was fond of stealing things and leaving the life of a ‘street girl’, she found a way to stop because of the love she had for her ‘’Oga”. They eventually got together and became an item.
Another Cinderella story unveiled

Truth be told, Nollywood Cinderella Movies give us a picture of what we want love to look like, Yes. But it isn’t just a thing for the movies. Within the ups and down of a couples life, it is required that couples realise that when it is good, It should be the best. Why not create your Cinderella story today.

Google Images

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Seun is me and might be you right now; you just had a baby, maybe not your first or maybe even your fourth, but you realize that for the past 3 to even 9 months after child birth, your affections and attention have been solely for that child. Your husband might not be vocal about it, but believe me, he hurts.

So what do you do when you realize that your marriage is between you and your partner and kids are just an addition and not the cornerstone? YOU SPICE UP YOUR MARRIAGE!

How do you do this, let me give you 5 steps on how to get those feelings oiled and ready;

Don’t Talk Kids All The Time

Yes, I said that. I know it’s very difficult not to rave about your kids seeming awesome accomplishments of getting down from the bed solo or taking first steps, but you need to stop. Ask your partner how their day went and listen to them talk. Empathise with difficult moments and share laughs over jokes. You can both agree to have baby talk during a set time period and all conversations relating to kids should be restricted to that.

Compliment Your Partner Frequently

After years in marriage and with the arrival of kids, it is very easy to not see your partner in all their initial glory. However, always consciously remind yourself to look for the good every day in your partner, it might just be something as easy as “thanks for the meal, I understand how stressed you are” or “How was work, your office doesn’t know how lucky they are to have you all day”. Everyone loves to be appreciated. It brings out the best in us.

Talk: Always Talk

There is nothing like too much communication. Look for a time when you and your partner are less stressed, it might be early mornings or late evenings after everyone has been tucked into bed. Talk about your frustrations, sex, anger, disappointment and appreciation of each other. This is not a time to argue or accuse, talk plainly and be open to listening and understanding your partners’ point of view. Most troubles in our mind are as a result of misinterpretation of our partners’ words or actions and this can be cleared up with a simple, “Hun, when you said xxxxx yesterday, I felt unappreciated because I understood it to mean yyyyy”.

Go on Dates

This simply means take some time off parenting and just be you two again. It doesn’t have to be an expensive outing, you can just go to the beach or take a stroll around the neighbourhood and sit in that bukka on the other street. Listen to street convos and take in the sights and sounds around you. Look for someone reliable to watch your kids or make plans with another couple where you 4 swap babysitting duties for couple date nights.

Never Forget Intimacy

Get a red-hot marker and circle at least a day each week when the cookie must crumble. This doesn’t mean it can’t crumble every other day. But with all the activities involved in taking care of kids, you just might forget to get intimate. However, when your calendar reminds you that something should go down, whether it be a quickie or a full blown out hours session, it’s easier to go through the day.

These rules are not fixed, but they have worked for me and I believe they will work for you too. Give them a try, add your own kinks to it and see your marriage come back to life.

Image credit

Omotola Fasawe

The post How To Spice Up Your Marriage – 5 Ways To Rekindle Passion Even After Childbirth appeared first on Hermaze | Relationship, Beauty, Fashion, Family Articles for Women.

The Red Flags

First we begin with the norm, the red flags. Once you notice a lipstick stain on his collar, rumpledness on his shit suggestive of a just concluded sexual activity, a strange fragrance which is not his- automatically suggestive questions begin to flood one’s mind. You wouldn’t help but raise a brow at the sight of such.

Someone who ordinarily would be back home before nightfall begins to stay out late and return home at midnight. He then begins to give some unnecessary excuses just to stay away from you and spend the night outside his home. These are signs that he may be seeing someone else.

Absent Mindedness

Suddenly, he’s all on his own. Even in his presence, his absence is greatly felt: when he’s physically present, he stays all by himself wandering off in his own world, he’s not really there with you. He would rather spend more time on his phone/devices than with you.

Lack of Enthusiasm

You notice that he stops looking forward to doing the fun things that you guys used to do, then he begins to talk a lot about a new friend he just made or some colleague at work. More like he feels an adrenaline rush talking about his new found friend. This could also mean he is on the verge of cheating.

Stops Giving you the Desired Attention

You know those seemingly little things we do to get our guys attention- those times you decide to dress sexy, let your hair down, wear that beautiful little black dress etc. even when you do these things he doesn’t compliment your looks/ acknowledge how gorgeous you look. When those sweet nothings we love to hear stop coming, then the attention fizzles away or doesn’t even pay as much as a second look to you, know that something else is probably taking his attention.

Moodiness

At odd times, you notice a series of mood swings for no particular reason which may lead him to pick up a fight with you. There is just always a switch in his attitude  when he flares up at every thing and keeps up the mood to avoid talking to you. Perhaps you notice that he only gets excited when he is with his phone or about to leave the house. These are pointers that he may be having an affair.

This can be vice versa: could be the guy or the lady in the relationship giving these signals. It is advisable that we pay close attention to detail and know when your partner is dropping these hints on you- it may not necessarily mean he/she is already cheating. Your partner may just be bored/tired looking to you to spice up the relationship.

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The post Get in Here Ladies! These 5 Signs Will Help You Detect If Your Boyfriend is Cheating appeared first on Hermaze | Relationship, Beauty, Fashion, Family Articles for Women.

Remain Truthful to Each other

To really make it work, you have got talk about your feelings; fear and insecurities truthfully without leaving any stone unturned. Do not try to hide how you feel. Both of you are not within the same locality, you just have to make it easier to accomodate each other. Even when it is the duty of the man to discover the entirety of the woman’s feelings. The essence of having a partner is to lighten the burden: help each other with your problems. Give him every support in your capacity. A problem shared; a problem solved.

Have an Idea of Each other’s Schedule

Ensure you know about the small or big events happening in your partner’s life. For example; university test, examination, hospital appointments, meetings or even important business trips. Having the schedule of the other person makes it easier to intuit when your partner will possibly have a free time to talk. This will help decide on the best time to call or send an SMS.

Be Cool About Stalking Each Other’s Social Media Activities

Don’t ever see anything wrong in posting each other’s pictures on social media, tagging each other, commenting, sharing and liking your pictures. Tweet to each other. These are little things that keep the relationship going. Remember, when you remain truthful to each other, then stalking would be a cool thing.

Physical Gifts attach Value No Matter How Cheap

Mementoes are objects kept in memory of a person. Remember, the human make-up attaches meaning and value to physical things especially if the owner isn’t around. Humans tend to attach value to gifts and favours hence, a pendant, wristband, hand chain, bracelet, ring etc won’t be a bad idea.

Ensure You Both Use a Very Good Messaging platform

Since texting is the most important, common and cheapest way of communicating with each other, it is important that you both select a very good platform that accommodates smileys. The best example is the Whatsapp or BB Messenger

Video-call when possible

While video calling, ensure you give each other pets names because looking into each other’s eyes and hearing each other’s voices and the sound of the name can make everything feel alright again.

Finally, you need to constantly inject positive energy into your distance relationship to keep it alive. Yes, the waiting can be painful and sometimes you feel lonesome but you need to remind yourself that the fruits at the end will be sweet as heaven. One good trick to staying positive is to be grateful all the time. Be thankful that you have someone to love — someone who loves you right back. Be thankful for the little things, like the hand-made letter that arrived safely in your mailbox the other day. Be thankful for each other’s health and safety. Show your partner you are thankful for him/her

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