It is generally believed that marriage naturally favours the male gender. From having a home to go to, to having someone carry and bear their offspring, there are many reasons why marriage seems to benefit the menfolk. However, it is safe to say that this belief is slowly fading away as many men claim that they are no longer looking to settle down with one person.

After asking random men questions and hearing their answers, here are ten reasons why men no longer look forward to marriage:

1. Fear of Commitment

Based on recent developments, many men no longer want to be attached to one woman as required within the tenets of marriage. While living single guarantees unending access to different types of women without guilt, marriage requires committing to ONLY one woman. This means spending time, and attention while focusing on one woman only. This may not sound like fun to a man who believes having a new woman to excite him every week or month is the way to go. While staying with one woman may be ideal, new-generation men may find the concept of committing to one challenging. Considering the ‘variety’ lifestyle readily available in the world today, this change does not necessarily come as a surprise.

2. Career Focus

Some men starting a career or hoping to grow in their career at times defer their relationship goals to focus on their career and avoid any distractions. This is to give them the time and focus needed to grow, especially in demanding careers. In light of these strong career goals, spending time to build a relationship would not rank high on their to-do list. This is why relationships for many men take the back burner until they get to their preferred level on the ladder and decide to get a partner to help them in the future.

3. Fear of Financial Responsibilities

Being truly interested in having a partner means knowing the place of money and responsibilities in marriage. Such responsibilities include paying rent for a bigger place, spending money on a big wedding and taking care of school and hospital fees when children come into the picture, there is definitely so much to be expected of a married man. This explains why many men may no longer want to get married especially if they believe they do not have the financial capabilities needed to sustain a marriage. Bills put immense pressure on men financially and the phobia of this pressure can make them decide not to get married.

4. Past Relationship Experiences

Men who have had bad relationships or marriages in the past can be afraid of new commitments. This is due to the trauma of the things they have experienced in their previous relationships. It is however necessary for men with bad relationship experiences to see a counsellor. This step would allow them to heal correctly while also helping them get over any phobia they may have about entering a new relationship.

5. Love for Independence

Accountability remains a vital part of the marriage institution. This means you always have to share details of your actions, plans, whereabouts and more with your significant other. Based on upbringing, some men love their freedom and are not willing to let go of it. This means they are not ready for co-dependence to have successful marriages and relationships. In light of this, marriage is not a good step for them.

6. Divorce Phobia

The current high divorce rate is another reason why some men may not want to marry. The cost of divorce is quite high and many men are not willing to pay such a price. This cost includes financial costs and emotional costs. Financial costs include loss of assets, loss of income due to alimony payment, and loss of time due to the adjoining court process. The emotional costs are heartbreaks, separation from children, and the pain associated with these. Considering how much divorce takes out of affected parties, staying single as a man seems like a better option.

7. Alternative Lifestyle

Some men are comfortable being single and they are really not interested in marriage. As long as they are comfortable with their life choices and are not bothered by the possibility of loneliness, staying unmarried is not a challenge to them.

8. Zero Desire for Children

In many parts of the world, children are considered a success symbol for married couples. As beautiful as the idea of children may be, birthing them comes with so much responsibility that some men are willing to stay without them. This means men who love their freedom and do not want to have children may avoid marriage as having a wife could increase the possibility of having children whether they like it or not. Therefore staying single remains the best way to avoid this conundrum.

9. Lack of Attraction

Men may not be deeply attracted to the women around them or the woman they are in a relationship with. This would mean that they do not want to settle with their current woman but would rather wait for the more attractive option. There are many reasons for this. However, this makes these men uninterested in marriage until the woman who fits their vision of the perfect one shows up. It might take years or decades before this preferred woman shows up which reduces the possibility of getting married to the barest minimum.

This list is not exhaustive as every man is different and unique and the reason they do not want to marry remains unique to them. Others may have multiple concerns and reasons for not wanting to marry. Whatever the reasons are, it is good to discuss your desire for marriage with the man you are in a relationship with. This is to be sure that they share this desire with you and avoid future frustrations.

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Vex money is now the latest trend on the rise: which i feel has come to stay. Since no one wants to hear stories that touch or be part of a form of embarrassment, it is best you learn to go out with some on every date possible. In fact, personally, I feel if you don’t have it, just gently stay put. Some perks attached to the practice of having your vex money are-

Your Mind Will Be Settled

The feeling you get is always nice when you know you can never be stranded. Should anything unexpected happen? You’ve got some extra cash not only to take yourself back home (if you do not have a car) but also to give yourself the fun expected on the date. It’s soothing and relaxing. It is not okay to assume you trust him well enough. Trust smart!!

You Will Be Ready for Anything

Going out with cash at hand prepares you for anything. Say the bruva decides he won’t pay or for some reason his card declines, or something: you would have to save the day. Always be ready!!

If He Actually ‘’VEX’’

So the name ‘’vex money’’ was actually gotten from the money you use to find your level if on an outing or date of some sort goes the other way.  Now that is the same thing I mean when I say if he actually vexes. If such misunderstanding arises, you could decide to storm out. But you can only do so when you have the cash to take yourself to where you brought yourself from. ‘’Vex money’’ isn’t just a name that was put there as it really means what it says. So I advise that as you go on that outing, hold some on the vex money in case someone gets vexed.

There Could Be a Change of Plans

During your outing, plans could change. This doesn’t mean you did not plan well or you are reckless but mistakes are bound to happen. In as much as we can plan it all and then have it all go as planned. It is therefore of high importance that you try your best possible to not let the tilt in plan get you down. A little cash at hand could go a long way in helping out with some of these plans. You can never be too careful.

In conclusion, it is key to have some cash with you when you feel the need to go out on a date, an outing or anywhere generally. It’s better safe than sorry.

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In this article, we will be taking you on a relationship journey with several warning signals. These could serve as a pointer to a potential abusive marriage.

How Often Does He Snap?

Physical abuse starts with a little disagreement, then anger, to burning rage. This feeling may occur once in a blue moon or at every slight provocation; it may be directed towards you, a close relation or even a pet. Either the reason is justifiable or not, anger should be moderate. To fully understand how to manage this feeling of anger, then consider reading our previous article. Physical abuse is neither normal nor healthy.

Does He Coerce You into Romance?

Kisses, pecks and hugs should not be demanded under compulsion. He may use force on you from the simple sexual exercise down to the intimate, forcefully controls the way you dress, make you terminate a pregnancy, make you watch porn or make you drink alcohol against your wish. That is more than a warning sign of intending doom in your marriage.

Does He Constantly Insult you or Intimidate You with His Words?

He does not have to beat you to abuse you. This is capable of lowering self-esteem and damaging one’s self-confidence. Once he criticizes you consistently without an occasional praise, call you names, embarrasses you, threatens you with the relationship and acts like everything is your fault. Then it is tending towards abuse in itself.

Does He Deprive You of Funds?

This may sound absurd. However, if he deprives you of working or earning your own money, lavishes you with too much money rather than care, stylishly robs you of your earning and leaves you almost bankrupt with different stories – No matter how genuine his reasons are, it is an intending doom.

Does He Stalk You?

How often does he stalk your every move – especially on social media? When your partner is extremely jealous, beware!  Especially when he begins to monitor every change in your phone, social media passwords or determine who should be or not be your friends.

Finally, several women are stuck in an abusive marriage. They find it difficult opting out, majorly because of the religious sentiments or a cultural background that bluntly preaches against divorce. The good news for singles today is that you have a choice.  You can choose to WATCH OUT for these signs or to have a carefree attitude to your relationship. What would you rather choose?

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The Red Flags

First we begin with the norm, the red flags. Once you notice a lipstick stain on his collar, rumpledness on his shit suggestive of a just concluded sexual activity, a strange fragrance which is not his- automatically suggestive questions begin to flood one’s mind. You wouldn’t help but raise a brow at the sight of such.

Someone who ordinarily would be back home before nightfall begins to stay out late and return home at midnight. He then begins to give some unnecessary excuses just to stay away from you and spend the night outside his home. These are signs that he may be seeing someone else.

Absent Mindedness

Suddenly, he’s all on his own. Even in his presence, his absence is greatly felt: when he’s physically present, he stays all by himself wandering off in his own world, he’s not really there with you. He would rather spend more time on his phone/devices than with you.

Lack of Enthusiasm

You notice that he stops looking forward to doing the fun things that you guys used to do, then he begins to talk a lot about a new friend he just made or some colleague at work. More like he feels an adrenaline rush talking about his new found friend. This could also mean he is on the verge of cheating.

Stops Giving you the Desired Attention

You know those seemingly little things we do to get our guys attention- those times you decide to dress sexy, let your hair down, wear that beautiful little black dress etc. even when you do these things he doesn’t compliment your looks/ acknowledge how gorgeous you look. When those sweet nothings we love to hear stop coming, then the attention fizzles away or doesn’t even pay as much as a second look to you, know that something else is probably taking his attention.

Moodiness

At odd times, you notice a series of mood swings for no particular reason which may lead him to pick up a fight with you. There is just always a switch in his attitude  when he flares up at every thing and keeps up the mood to avoid talking to you. Perhaps you notice that he only gets excited when he is with his phone or about to leave the house. These are pointers that he may be having an affair.

This can be vice versa: could be the guy or the lady in the relationship giving these signals. It is advisable that we pay close attention to detail and know when your partner is dropping these hints on you- it may not necessarily mean he/she is already cheating. Your partner may just be bored/tired looking to you to spice up the relationship.

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Remain Truthful to Each other

To really make it work, you have got talk about your feelings; fear and insecurities truthfully without leaving any stone unturned. Do not try to hide how you feel. Both of you are not within the same locality, you just have to make it easier to accomodate each other. Even when it is the duty of the man to discover the entirety of the woman’s feelings. The essence of having a partner is to lighten the burden: help each other with your problems. Give him every support in your capacity. A problem shared; a problem solved.

Have an Idea of Each other’s Schedule

Ensure you know about the small or big events happening in your partner’s life. For example; university test, examination, hospital appointments, meetings or even important business trips. Having the schedule of the other person makes it easier to intuit when your partner will possibly have a free time to talk. This will help decide on the best time to call or send an SMS.

Be Cool About Stalking Each Other’s Social Media Activities

Don’t ever see anything wrong in posting each other’s pictures on social media, tagging each other, commenting, sharing and liking your pictures. Tweet to each other. These are little things that keep the relationship going. Remember, when you remain truthful to each other, then stalking would be a cool thing.

Physical Gifts attach Value No Matter How Cheap

Mementoes are objects kept in memory of a person. Remember, the human make-up attaches meaning and value to physical things especially if the owner isn’t around. Humans tend to attach value to gifts and favours hence, a pendant, wristband, hand chain, bracelet, ring etc won’t be a bad idea.

Ensure You Both Use a Very Good Messaging platform

Since texting is the most important, common and cheapest way of communicating with each other, it is important that you both select a very good platform that accommodates smileys. The best example is the Whatsapp or BB Messenger

Video-call when possible

While video calling, ensure you give each other pets names because looking into each other’s eyes and hearing each other’s voices and the sound of the name can make everything feel alright again.

Finally, you need to constantly inject positive energy into your distance relationship to keep it alive. Yes, the waiting can be painful and sometimes you feel lonesome but you need to remind yourself that the fruits at the end will be sweet as heaven. One good trick to staying positive is to be grateful all the time. Be thankful that you have someone to love — someone who loves you right back. Be thankful for the little things, like the hand-made letter that arrived safely in your mailbox the other day. Be thankful for each other’s health and safety. Show your partner you are thankful for him/her

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While Apart, Do things Together

Here is where you have to find out what the other person loves. Hence, it becomes interesting doing them together; play games, listen to interesting political or entertainment news, watch TV shows, do video calls, buy each other gifts etc. In fact, you both should do fun things together and ensure it is creative and new every day.

Make Recommendations

Share experiences and have things in common to talk about, make recommendations to the other party about books you have read in the past, your favourite TV shows, movies, news and so on. When you do these, the feelings get heightened and you begin to have a mindset towards the same things.

Visit Each Other 

Visits are usually the best parts of a long distance relationship because it will give room for a face to face conversation, and allow you to truly feel how much you have missed the other party. Schedule time to pay each other a visit. Surprise visits won’t also be a bad idea when every form of communication is active.

Have an End Goal in Mind and Work Towards it

What do you both want to achieve at the end of the day?How long are you both going to be apart? What are the plans you are both making for your future? These are the questions you two need to ask yourselves. Truth be told, no couple can be apart forever. Eventually, we all need to settle down. Hence, make a plan with each other. Draw up a timeline, marking down the estimated times apart and times together, and draw an end goal. It is important that you two are on the same page and have the same goals. So that even if you are not living in the same space and the same timezone, both of you are still working together in the same direction, towards similar future with the same goal in mind.

Enjoy Time With Friends and Family

You are alone but you are not lonely. Unless you choose to feel like it. You don’t have to let your world revolve around your partner — you still have you, your friends and your family. Take this time apart to do more with your friends and family. Go to the gym more often. Get a new hobby. Practice a new sport. There are plenty of things to do that necessarily do not involve your partner.

We would bring you the last tips on how to enjoy your long distance relationship in our next write up. Until then, keep the comments coming!

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Don’t stress too much. knowing you really want impress him, the perfect way to avoid the pre-date tension is really simple;

1. Be Comfortable:

You might think it’s the first date so you have to look amazing , but don’t go looking for that really tight outfit which happens to be your favorite, you’ll end up looking out of place for whatever outing you two have planned. Especially if it’s to the movies, or a park, or out to lunch. Most first dates do not require a heel (it’s also easier to gauge your height differences in flats..lol) especially if you wouldn’t be comfortable. It’s also quite important that you be yourself. If you wear an outfit you wouldn’t be comfortable with, it’ll show and it would also make your date uncomfortable.

2. Avoid Trends But Stick To Your Personal Style: 

Do NOT experiment with the latest trends, but trust your gut if you want to. You probably want to wait a minute before you bust out a full runway look, but if this date eventually blooms into a relationship, it should be clear that you wear what you want because you want to. Don’t dumb down your style for a stranger, but simplify your favorite silhouettes.

3. Be Sexy But Not Desperate: 

Don’t over do it. Look sexy, but not too much. Wear a pair of statement earrings to add some interest to your outfit, and they can be a talking point if conversation dies down

Remember ladies, the key is to be comfortable and feel beautiful in your outfit!

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See it as an Opportunity

Have you considered the emotional reason churches advise that courtship should not give room for visitation in private places? The reason is simple! If you want to live together, you first need to learn how to live apart. Once you see the relationship as an opportunity to test your gravity of your love while apart, it gets better and your bond becomes stronger.

Make Ground Rules and Abide by Them

Both parties need to discuss extensive on standards and expectation from their long distance relationship. In order words, have a template to work with. For example: Is it alright for either party to go on dates? What is your commitment level? Once you are open, it becomes interesting.

Ensure you have a set time for communication

It is a bad idea to be overly possessive and always wanting to communicate with the other person 24 hours a day. In that case, the feelings may lose its flavour. To keep the relationship going, remember that less is more. It is not about how many times you get in touch; it’s about teasing at the right moments and emotionally hitting the right notes.

Communicate Constructively and Creatively

Firstly, ensure you greet each other good morning and good night every day.  Secondly always give detailed information about the recent happenings in your life to your partner, no matter how mundane or stale the information may be. Add flair to it, send each other pictures, audio clips and short videos from time to time. By putting in this kind of effort, you make the other person feel loved and special.

Avoid “Dangerous” Situations

If you know that staying out late at night will upset your partner, avoid it. When the situation warrants that you stay outside late, always tell the other party beforehand to reassure him of your safety. Don’t be careless about such matter to clear off any iota of worries or suspicion. Also avoid people of opposite sex, especially, if there are flirtatious encounters with them.

This is just a tip of the iceberg. by the time you are done with this informative write-up, you would sure know how to better manage your long distance relationship, if ever you find yourself in one. Keep in touch! More tips on this coming up soon!

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Doing Something Extra

When you open the door to let her in, bring her a bouquet of roses or just do something beyond her expectation that would earn you her admiration. Be creative, you could also bring her a first day gift!

Respecting Her Every Move, Being Courteous

Always remember that observing proper manners is Important. Play by all the etiquette rules, do not leave out any. Be pleasant with your comment and jokes. Never play down on her feelings, opinions, comments and suggestions. Do not try funny jabs at her. Have respect for time, do not enforce your meal choice on her. Ladies always give attention to details; never forget that she is listening to what you are /not doing.

Paying Your Date compliments

How much ladies love to be complimented! Pay your date lovely compliments. Make her/him feel good. Something about his/her appearance would interest you. No amounts of compliment is too much. Whether admitted or not, an ample amount of time was put into looking good for the date, applaud the effort.

Being Interested in Your Date

Being curious about your date, makes him or her feel needed. Get to know all you can in one night. Know her Likes and dislike. Do not just get carried away by your experiences, let her know that you care and would like to be committed to her. Your intentions should be to keep the conversation flowing, do not steal the moment and make the evening yours alone. Ensure there are no few awkward pauses; just don’t make it an interview.

Being Too Forward

Never be too forward or aggressive. No lady likes a guy that wants to be everywhere. When a guy takes his time to access the situation and offer help in crisis during the date time.

Leaving an Impression

You may decide to crown the night with a special touch, when you leave a lasting impression that would make the date an unforgettable one. It would make the time out a wonderful time and make your date feel how lucky she was to spend some time with you.

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Release Those Tears and Cry Them Out

Some people consider crying as a sign of weakness but I dare say letting out a those drops of tears will make you feel better. Cry it all out. Let out all the hurt, pain, anger, sadness and every emotion you feel. Make sure none is left. Allowing some of these emotions may impede your progress. You need to release it all, so you can move on.

Drinking and Smoking is Never an Option

A break up hurts badly especially if it were someone you loved deeply that is a bad break up. You shouldn’t consider drinking or smoking. It will cause you to make decisions and take steps you may regret.  Alcohol and smoking is like a rush giving temporary relief. The relief it gives is short lived; intensifying your emotions making you say and do wrong things.

Do not Blame Yourself

Research has shown that humans are naturally selfish. When your partner calls off the relationship with no reason whatsoever shows he never considered a future with you. As such, you should never ever think it is your fault. Forget blaming yourself for some other person’s selfishness. Never belittle yourself, thinking: you were not good enough or that you did not match up to the person’s standard. Considering that “no one will ever love you again” means you have surrender to self pity. You are perfect. Those who desire you will come and they will see the good in you.

Forgive Yourself

While you are letting out all the tears, you may begin to think that you are responsible for the break up: blaming yourself all the way, saying and wishing if you had not done it this way or that way the relationship may still be on. Though you both may have contributed to the crash of the relationship, it may even be your fault; however you need to pick up yourself, shake it off and move on. Forgiving yourself for whatever role you played in the break up is important to making you a better person.

Hang Around Those who Love You

Release yourself to love. Allow yourself be loved. You are worth more. Do not isolate yourself. This leads to depression. After crying it all out, hang out with your friends, go shopping, do fun things, enjoy the gift of love from your friends, do the things enjoy. Never let the depression settle in that you begin to look all moody and sad.

Get Busy

One key factor needed in dealing with a bad breakup. It automatically takes your mind off and gets you to concentrate on becoming better. With this you no longer remember the pain and anger feeling. It just takes your attention away, reducing the sulking and depression hence, you become better. The less time you have to dwell over the old relationship, the more quickly you will be able to get over it.

Give Attention to Work

This wouldn’t be easy, it does come on you. You have to try and make yourself give attention to your job, academics and work generally. Don’t waste time on wishful thinking over a broken relationship. Concentrate on work and study. Make sure you love what you do. With this, you would have little or no time sulking over what you need to move away from

Never Jump Right into Another Relationship

You need some time to heal, rediscover yourself, know who and what you want and then be a better person. All these take time. Never go straight ahead into another relationship. Do not think that is what you need. You need time to heal and cannot offer someone else your complete self if you are yet to discover your identity. You need time to figure out who and want you want and until you do that. Keep enjoying yourself. When you have it all figured out, you will know when the right person comes.

Explore Your Choices

Try out new things; you could find a new hobby, game or sport that interests you. Unlearn and learn new ways of doing things. Work and develop yourself. Be better for yourself first. Meet new people, know new things. Motivate yourself from within. Challenge yourself. A bad breakup does not translate to the end of life.

A break up is sad; still, it does not signify the end of the world. The earlier you move on from it, the better. There is always a reason for everything, learn all you need to and move on. Think about your future; decide on all you need to be better. Focus on becoming better for yourself. Use whatever you have learnt to avoid a recurrent situation. You will find your person.

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