NDLEA’s Argument: A Multifaceted Approach to Curb Drug Abuse

The NDLEA’s rationale goes beyond simply identifying addicted individuals. They view drug abuse as a systemic issue with a ripple effect on society. By their estimation, tackling drug abuse at its roots requires a multifaceted approach. They believe pre-marital testing can serve several purposes:

• Early Intervention and Treatment: Identifying couples struggling with drug use before marriage allows for early intervention and treatment. This could prevent the problem from escalating within a marriage and potentially lead to a healthier family dynamic.
• Breaking the Cycle of Addiction: Drug abuse often runs in families. By identifying and treating addicted individuals before they have children, the NDLEA hopes to disrupt the cycle of addiction from being passed down to future generations.
• Promoting Public Health and Safety: Drug abuse is often linked to domestic violence, accidents, and criminal activity. The NDLEA believes pre-marriage testing could contribute to a reduction in these issues by promoting healthier families and communities.

Potential Benefits: A Strong Foundation for a Healthy Family

Proponents of the proposal highlight potential benefits for couples and society as a whole. Early detection of drug abuse through mandatory testing could lead to a number of positive outcomes:

• Stronger Marriages: By identifying and addressing potential addiction issues before marriage, couples can enter their union with greater clarity and a stronger foundation. Early intervention through treatment programs could significantly improve the chances of a successful and stable marriage.
• Reduced Risk for Children: Children raised in drug-free environments are statistically less likely to develop their own addiction issues. Identifying and treating addicted individuals before marriage can create safer, healthier home environments for future generations.
• Community Awareness: Pre-marital drug testing could spark important conversations about drug abuse within communities. Increased awareness could lead to a reduction in stigma surrounding addiction and encourage individuals to seek help.

Privacy Concerns, Ethical Dilemmas, and Questions of Effectiveness

While the potential benefits are undeniable, the NDLEA proposal also faces significant opposition on several fronts:

• Privacy Concerns: Critics argue that drug use is a personal matter and mandatory testing could be seen as a blatant violation of individual rights. They raise concerns that couples might avoid marriage altogether rather than submit to a perceived invasion of privacy.
• Accuracy and Reliability: The accuracy of drug tests is a point of contention. False positives could lead to unnecessary stress, relationship problems, and unfair discrimination against individuals.
• Effectiveness: Some question the effectiveness of a one-time test in truly identifying long-term or hidden drug use. Additionally, concerns exist that couples could potentially manipulate the testing process to bypass the system.

Finding a Solution: Open Dialogue, Evidence-Based Strategies

The NDLEA’s proposal has ignited a necessary conversation about drug abuse and its impact on families. While the effectiveness of mandatory testing before marriage remains debatable, the need to address drug abuse within communities is undeniable. Moving forward, a more comprehensive approach is necessary. Open dialogue and a focus on evidence-based strategies are crucial before implementing such a policy. Here are some key areas for further discussion:

• Alternative Strategies: Could initiatives like mandatory drug education programs for engaged couples be a more effective and less intrusive way to promote awareness and responsible decision-making?
• Accessibility of Treatment: If the goal is to identify and treat addiction, is there a sufficient infrastructure available to provide accessible and comprehensive treatment programs for those identified through testing?
• Protecting Individual Rights: How can a balance be struck between identifying problematic drug use and respecting individual privacy and bodily autonomy?

A Complex Issue with No Easy Answers

The NDLEA proposal for pre-marital drug testing is a complex issue with no easy answers. It raises valid concerns about individual rights and the potential for misuse. However, it also highlights the devastating impact of drug abuse on families and communities. Moving forward, a focus on open dialogue, evidence-based strategies, and a commitment to protecting individual rights while promoting public health is essential. By prioritizing education, promoting access to treatment, and fostering open communication, a more comprehensive approach to combating drug abuse in Nigeria can be developed.

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Countess Mary von Habsburg of Austria – Early Life

Mary’s early life unfolded in Wau, South Sudan, a city steeped in cultural traditions and vibrant history. Details about her upbringing remain somewhat private, but it is known that she comes from the Dinka ethnic group, the largest ethnic group in South Sudan. The Dinka people are renowned for their cattle herding culture, their close connection to the land, and their rich oral traditions.

There’s a captivating mystery surrounding how Mary’s path intersected with the Habsburg dynasty. Some accounts suggest she met her future husband, Ferdinand Leopold Joseph Count von Habsburg, while he was on a humanitarian mission in Africa. Others claim their paths crossed during her travels in Europe.

Regardless of the exact circumstances, their connection was undeniable. Ferdinand, a descendant of Holy Roman Emperors and Archdukes of Austria, defied expectations by choosing Mary as his bride. His lineage stretches back to some of the most powerful figures in European history, including Charles V, Holy Roman Emperor, and Franz Joseph I, Emperor of Austria.

A Controversial Union: Love Conquers All

Ferdinand and Mary’s union caused a stir within the Habsburg family. Her cultural background and socioeconomic status were not what some expected for a Habsburg bride. The Habsburg dynasty, founded in the 10th century, had a long and illustrious history, and traditionally, brides came from European nobility.

However, Otto von Habsburg, the head of the family at the time, displayed remarkable progressiveness by giving the couple his blessing. Otto, the Crown Prince of Austria-Hungary, had witnessed the decline of the Austro-Hungarian Empire in the wake of World War I. Perhaps he recognized the need for the Habsburg family to embrace change and redefine itself for the modern era.

Their wedding in 1999 was a landmark event, symbolizing a shift in the Habsburg family’s approach to tradition. The ceremony was a beautiful blend of Austrian and South Sudanese cultures, reflecting the couple’s commitment to honoring both their heritages. News of their union spread internationally, captivating audiences with its defiance of convention and its celebration of love that transcended cultural boundaries.

Countess Mary von Habsburg of Austria embraces a New Life

Mary embraced her new life with grace and dignity. She immersed herself in learning German, the official language of the Habsburg family. She familiarized herself with Habsburg history and traditions, demonstrating a deep respect for her adopted family’s legacy.

However, Mary never forgot her roots. She maintained connections with her family and friends in South Sudan, and she continued to celebrate her Dinka heritage. This ability to embrace both her past and her present became a hallmark of Countess Mary’s life.

A Life in Modern Africa: Nairobi, Kenya

The couple chose to settle in Nairobi, Kenya, a vibrant and cosmopolitan city in East Africa. This decision held great significance. Choosing Nairobi over Vienna, Austria, Countess Mary and Ferdinand opted for a fresh start.

Nairobi is a melting pot of cultures, a place where European influences blend seamlessly with indigenous African traditions. Choosing to live there allowed the couple to raise their family in a diverse and dynamic environment. It also underscored their commitment to forging their own path within the Habsburg legacy.

Countess Mary’s Charitable Endeavors: A Legacy of Giving Back

Countess Mary is a strong advocate for humanitarian causes, particularly those focused on her native South Sudan. She leverages her platform to raise awareness about the challenges faced by her home country, such as civil war, poverty, and food insecurity.

She actively participates in charitable endeavors, working with organizations that provide humanitarian aid and promote sustainable development in South Sudan. Her commitment to giving back reflects her compassion to make a positive impact on the lives of others.

This aspect of Countess Mary’s life story is particularly inspiring. She demonstrates that royalty can be a powerful force for good, using their influence to advocate for those in need.

The Habsburg Children and a Blend of Cultures

Countess Mary and Ferdinand have three children: Countess Luisa Aluel (born 2000), Count László Rum (born 2002), and Countess Gisela Aluk (born 2004).

Their upbringing reflects a beautiful blend of Austrian heritage and African culture, creating a unique and enriching environment for the Habsburg descendants.

• Embracing Languages and Traditions: The Habsburg children are reportedly fluent in German and English, ensuring they can connect with both sides of their family heritage. Additionally, it’s likely they are exposed to elements of Dinka culture through their mother’s influence. This multilingual and multicultural upbringing equips them to navigate the complexities of their unique background.
• Education and Global Citizenship: While details about their specific schooling remain private, it’s safe to assume the Habsburg children receive a high-quality education that prepares them for future endeavors. Given their multicultural background, it’s likely their education emphasizes global citizenship and an understanding of different cultures.
• A Modern Monarchy in Africa: The children’s upbringing in Kenya signifies a shift in the traditional image of European royalty. They are not isolated in grand palaces but are instead growing up in a diverse and dynamic African city. This reflects a modern approach to royalty, where cultural exchange and a connection to the wider world are valued.

Challenges and Opportunities: Balancing Two Worlds

Raising children in a bicultural environment comes with its own set of challenges. The Habsburg children may grapple with reconciling the differences between their Austrian heritage and their African upbringing. Finding a sense of belonging and identity within this unique context can be a complex process.

However, these challenges are also growth opportunities. By embracing both sides of their heritage, the Habsburg children have a deep appreciation for cultural diversity. They become adept at navigating different social settings and possess a valuable understanding of the interconnectedness of the global community.

The Habsburg Legacy: Evolving with the Times

The story of Countess Mary and her family represents a significant evolution in the Habsburg dynasty. A family steeped in European tradition has embraced diversity and redefined its place in the modern world. The Habsburg children embody this evolution, carrying the legacy of their ancestors while forging their own unique path in Africa.

A Beacon of Hope and Inspiration

Countess Mary von Habsburg of Austria story is a beacon of hope and inspiration. It demonstrates the transformative power of love that transcends cultural and social divides. Her life journey serves as a reminder that tradition can evolve, and families can be built on love and respect, regardless of background. It is a story that celebrates diversity, challenges societal expectations, and inspires us to embrace the richness of a multicultural world.

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Navigating the Emotional Effects of a Broken Marriage

The emotional fallout of a broken marriage is significant and can leave lasting scars on both spouses. Feelings of grief, anger, loneliness, and betrayal are all too common. The sense of failure associated with the dissolution of a broken marriage can be particularly devastating, shattering the hopes and dreams built together.

• Grief and Loss: The end of a marriage signifies the loss of a shared life, dreams, and a sense of security. Spouses may experience a period of intense grief similar to the loss of a loved one. This can manifest in withdrawal, tearfulness, and a deep sense of sadness.
• Anger and Resentment: One or both partners may harbor anger and resentment towards the other, fueled by feelings of betrayal, hurt, or a sense of injustice. These negative emotions can fester and make it difficult to move forward with the healing process.
• Loneliness and Isolation: The breakdown of a broken marriage often leads to a loss of social connections, especially if the couple shared a close network of friends and family. Spouses may feel isolated and alone, struggling to navigate their new reality.
• Identity Crisis: A broken marriage can lead to a crisis of identity, particularly if the couple has been married for a long time. Spouses may question their self-worth and grapple with a redefined sense of who they are.

These emotional struggles can manifest in various ways, including:

• Depression and Anxiety: The stress and upheaval of a broken marriage can be a significant trigger for clinical depression and anxiety.
• Difficulty Trusting Others: Past experiences with betrayal in a broken marriage can make it challenging to form new romantic relationships and trust potential partners.
• Low Self-Esteem: Feelings of failure and rejection associated with a broken marriage can negatively impact self-worth and lead to low self-esteem.

The Financial Repercussions of a Broken Marriage

Divorce, a legal consequence of a broken marriage, can have a significant financial impact on both spouses. Here’s a breakdown of some key financial considerations that arise due to the effects of broken marriage:

• Division of Assets and Debts: Marital assets like property, vehicles, and bank accounts need to be divided equitably during a divorce. Debts incurred during the marriage also need to be addressed in a fair and legal manner.
• Spousal Support: Depending on the circumstances of the broken marriage and the financial situation of each spouse, one spouse may be required to provide financial support to the other, particularly if there is a significant disparity in income.
• Child Support: If there are children involved in the broken marriage, child support payments are established to ensure their financial well-being. These payments are typically determined by the court based on factors like income and living arrangements.
• Increased Living Expenses: Maintaining two separate households often leads to increased living expenses for both spouses. This can strain budgets and impact financial security, especially for those already struggling financially.
• Impact on Credit Score: Divorce can negatively impact credit scores due to factors like dividing debt or difficulty managing separate finances. This can make it challenging to qualify for loans or mortgages in the future, further hindering financial stability.

These financial burdens can create stress and anxiety, further exacerbating the emotional difficulties associated with the broken marriage. Financial strain can also lead to arguments and conflict, especially during the negotiation of settlements and child support agreements.

The Impact on Children

Children are often considered the most vulnerable casualties of a broken marriage. They may experience a range of emotional and behavioral challenges due to the effects of broken marriage, including:

• Confusion and Fear: Children may struggle to understand why their parents are separating and worry about their future. This can lead to feelings of insecurity and instability, impacting their sense of safety and well-being.
• Anger and Resentment: Children may feel angry or resentful towards one or both parents, especially if they believe they are responsible for the divorce. They may lash out or act out in an attempt to express these negative emotions.
• Behavioral Issues: The stress and upheaval of a broken marriage can manifest in children through behavioral problems like withdrawal, aggression, or academic difficulties. They may struggle to concentrate in school or engage in activities they once enjoyed.
• Long-Term Effects: The experience of a broken marriage can have long-term consequences for children, impacting their self-esteem, their ability to form healthy relationships, and their overall well-being. Studies have shown that children of divorce are more likely to experience academic difficulties, substance abuse issues, and mental health problems in adulthood.

Parents going through a divorce can minimize the negative impact on their children by:

• Prioritizing Open Communication: Children need honest and age-appropriate explanations about the divorce in a way that is free from blame. Open communication helps to alleviate confusion and fosters a sense of trust.
• Maintaining a Secure and Loving Environment: Despite the separation, both parents should strive to provide a sense of stability and love for their children. This can involve maintaining routines, offering emotional support, and ensuring children feel loved and valued by both parents.
• Minimizing Conflict: Children should not be exposed to parental arguments or be used as pawns in a custody battle. Keeping conflict out of sight and out of mind helps to protect children’s emotional well-being.
• Seeking Professional Help: If children are struggling to cope with the effects of broken marriage, therapy can be invaluable in helping them process their emotions and adjust to the new family dynamic. A therapist can provide children with a safe space to express their feelings and develop healthy coping mechanisms.

By prioritizing their children’s well-being and working together to create a supportive environment, parents can help their children navigate the challenges of a broken marriage and emerge stronger on the other side.

Effects on Extended Family and Social Circles

The effects of broken marriage can ripple outwards, impacting extended family and social circles in various ways. Here’s a closer look:

• Strain on Family Relationships: The stress and conflict surrounding the divorce can strain relationships with parents, siblings, and in-laws. Family members may feel caught in the middle, unsure of who to side with or how to offer support. This can lead to tension, arguments, and a fracturing of close family bonds.
• Loss of Social Support System: Couples often share a network of friends and family. The divorce can lead to a loss of social support for both spouses, as navigating social situations together can become awkward or uncomfortable. Friends may feel unsure of how to act or who to remain close to, leading to a withdrawal from both sides.
• Impact on Children’s Relationships: Children of divorce may also experience a loss of connection with extended family and friends. Custody arrangements and strained relationships between parents can make it difficult for children to maintain regular contact with grandparents, aunts, uncles, and close family friends. This can further isolate children and exacerbate feelings of loneliness.

Societal Implications of Broken Marriage

The prevalence of broken marriages can also have broader societal implications. Here are some key considerations:

• Impact on Child Well-Being: Studies have shown that children of divorce are more likely to experience social, emotional, and academic problems. This can put a strain on social services and educational institutions.
• Economic Costs: Divorce can be financially draining for individuals, families, and society as a whole. Costs associated with litigation, child support, and single-parent households can place a burden on social safety nets.
• Shifting Family Dynamics: Rising divorce rates contribute to a shift in family dynamics, with an increase in single-parent households and blended families. While these family structures can be just as fulfilling, they may require additional societal support systems to ensure the well-being of all members.

Mitigating the Effects of Broken Marriage

While the effects of broken marriage can be significant, there are steps that can be taken to mitigate them. Here are some suggestions:

• Premarital Counseling: Couples considering marriage can benefit from premarital counseling, which equips them with communication skills, conflict resolution strategies, and a deeper understanding of each other’s expectations.
• Focus on Conflict Resolution: Learning healthy conflict resolution techniques can help couples navigate disagreements constructively and potentially avoid situations that could lead to divorce.
• Marriage Counseling: If couples are struggling in their marriage, seeking professional help from a therapist can be invaluable. Therapy can provide a safe space for couples to communicate openly, address underlying issues, and work towards reconciliation.
• Support Groups: Support groups for individuals going through divorce can provide a sense of community, understanding, and shared experience. These groups can offer emotional support and practical advice during a challenging time.

By prioritizing healthy communication, seeking professional help when needed, and accessing available support systems, individuals and families can navigate the challenges of broken marriage and build a brighter future.

Conclusion

The breakdown of a marriage is a complex and emotionally charged event with far-reaching consequences. The effects of broken marriage impact not only the spouses themselves but also children, extended family, social circles, and even society at large. Understanding these effects and taking steps to mitigate them can help individuals, families, and communities cope with the challenges of divorce and build resilience in the face of adversity.

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Identifying the Sources of Family Drama

Before we dive into the solutions, it’s crucial to understand the root causes of family drama. Some common sources include:

• Communication breakdown: Poor communication can lead to misunderstandings and conflicts.
• Different values and beliefs: Clashing values and beliefs can create tension and disagreements.
• Unresolved issues: Unaddressed problems can simmer beneath the surface, causing resentment and anger.
• External factors: External influences like social media, friends, and societal expectations can also contribute to family drama.

Effective Strategies for Managing Family Drama

1. Improve Communication

• Practice active listening: Pay attention to what your family members are saying and show empathy.
• Use ‘I’ statements: Express your feelings and thoughts without blaming or accusing others.
• Set clear boundaries: Establish respect and understanding by setting clear expectations.

2. Address Issues Head-On

• Identify the problem: Be honest and acknowledge the issue.
• Use constructive conflict resolution: Address the issue in a respectful and calm manner.
• Seek mediation: If necessary, consider seeking the help of a mediator or counselor.

3. Embrace Forgiveness and Understanding

• Let go of grudges: Release resentment and anger, and work towards forgiveness.
• Show empathy and compassion: Try to see things from your family member’s perspective.
• Practice self-reflection: Recognize your own flaws and weaknesses to better understand others.

4. Set Boundaries and Prioritize Self-Care

• Establish personal space: Set boundaries to protect your physical and emotional well-being.
• Prioritize self-care: Engage in activities that nourish your mind, body, and soul.
• Seek support: Reach out to friends, support groups, or therapy for additional guidance and care.

5. Seek Professional Help

• Family therapy: Consider seeking the help of a professional therapist or counselor.
• Individual counseling: Address personal issues and develop coping strategies.
• Support groups: Join a support group to connect with others who face similar challenges.

Conclusion

Dealing with family drama can be challenging, but it’s not impossible. By understanding the sources of family drama and implementing effective strategies, you can maintain healthy relationships with your loved ones. Remember to prioritize communication, address issues head-on, embrace forgiveness and understanding, set boundaries, and seek professional help when needed. With time, patience, and effort, you can overcome family drama and nurture positive, loving connections with your family members.

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Relationships with a spouse come with unique challenges. Living with your spouse within the confines of marriage is a different kettle of fish. This is expected based on the unending nature of forever. However, contrary to what is widely believed, offences usually come from the little things. These little actions do not look harmful at first until they snowball into major issues and water down the strength of the union. Experienced counsellors are able to advise couples to look out for these little actions that can create a big wedge in no time.

Here are five acts that may be driving your spouse nuts:

1. Staying on the Phone

Living in a digital age means relying on your mobile phone for communication and work-related needs. This also means having a strong presence on social media platforms and apps such as Facebook, WhatsApp and Instagram and more. The addictive nature of these apps translates to endless scrolling and fear of missing out (FOMO). Though a valid move, it affects valuable couple time and breeds resentment. The way forward is to time your phone use and set it aside after the stipulated minutes or hours. Your relationship will be better for it.

2. Not Giving Enough Compliments

Living with another person demands a measure of tact and maturity. Ensuring your spouse feels good and complete around you is a great way to boost their self-esteem. This means looking for every reason to say good things to them. If you believe your spouse should know how you feel about them, you may be making the wrong impression by your inaction. Also, there may be a tendency to compliment strangers because of the outcomes it provides. The world is already tough enough, taking the initiative to say nice things is a great way to set the right tone in your space.

3. Holding Back Affection

You know the golden rule – love your neighbour as yourself. In this case, your neighbour is your spouse, your second half – the one person who is able to see every side of you yet decides to stay in your life. How you treat them is a pointer to how they might treat you. So if you have ever felt the need to keep sealed lips instead of showering your significant other with ‘accolades’ or kind words, you are wrong. Gentle and sincere words of affection give a whole level of high while taking the next person’s self-esteem up by one notch. What happens if your partner senses unkindness or feels slighted? Your guess is as good as mine. It does not augur well. Make it a culture to be openly affectionate towards your spouse. This will in turn cause them to shower you with love.

4. Buying Presents YOU Like

As a child, did you ever have moments of sulking because you had to eat a meal you did not like so much? Remember how that made you feel? Then you should understand why this is a bad idea. While it is important and thoughtful to give your spouse a gift, it is also necessary to review the reason behind your action. Did you give them that particular present because you believed it was specially made for them or was it a gift of convenience? Thoughtfulness as it concerns gifting is tied to how much the recipient of the gift will like it. So before you consider getting a present for the one you love, find out if it is a gift they would love and appreciate. Think about it!

5. Putting the Children First

Children are a gift to their parents. However, the tendency to make them the centre of your world at your spouse’s expense looms. While it is important to show your children undiluted love and affection, the ability to balance this alongside catering to your significant other’s needs remains paramount. Starving your partner can drive a wedge between you and them while rubbing off on the children negatively.
An easy way to ensure this does not happen includes spending focused time away from the little ones. Weekly date nights in a warm, romantic setting are a great option for bonding and enjoying each other’s company.

There you have it, five habits that make your spouse unhappy. Which of these caught you by surprise?
Do share by leaving a comment.

Now that you know how your behaviour may be affecting your marriage, how about moving things around to make your union more fun?

Remember to like, share and look out for the next article.

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1. Living Alone

In many parts of the world, staying in a house with parents and siblings remains a welcome option. Apart from the ability to manage expenses and enjoy the warmth of family, this option offers a full house situation where there is no alone time. However, considering how life changes drastically after the wedding, moving out to stay by yourself gives you room to do certain activities without help. Activities such as cooking, planning a meal budget, cleaning and decorating become your personal responsibility upon living alone.

This move will help set the tone for when you and your significant other will live together without family members. You also get the time to take charge of your space and schedule on your own. While moving in with the significant other upon marriage offers companionship, the ability to be your own person will also help you balance your needs and your spouse’s need for personal space.

2. Travel Solo

Exploring a different part of the state, country or continent is one step you should take before getting hitched. Apart from the possibility of making new friends, this also serves as a conversation starter in future. On the journey to unfamiliar spaces, there is room to be you with reckless abandon.

The memories created on such journeys become propellers for career and relationship growth upon marriage. If you go all out alone while your significant other does the same alone, time spent together before and after marriage will become more robust and entertaining. Think about it.

3. Think Investment

Marriage makes two become one in every way. From the personal stuff to the financials, every conversation goes from me to us. It goes without saying that a strong tendency to focus on the next person’s needs and collective bills might get in the way of amassing wealth. This is why setting up an investment fund and acquiring property should be explored before the rings are in place. Of course, this would depend on income levels. However, this can be done with a realistic and smart plan in place. Take baby steps by getting knowledge from bankers and property experts while setting aside some money every month towards a selected and pocket-friendly investment. Your future will thank you.

4. Embrace Selfcare

In many parts of the world especially in Africa, it is believed that the burden of self-care for women rests on their partners. This implies that spending quality time and paying attention to oneself may be intertwined with romantic relationships or marriage. While that may be an avenue to bond, it is important to state that self-care should begin with you whether marriage beckons or not. Daily living is quite demanding and stress is part of life. Accumulated stress may take its toll on your health at any time. This is why it is advisable to take out time to visit the spa, eat right and buy personal gifts regardless of marital status.

Doing this sets a precedent that becomes easy to keep up with even after the wedding. While this keeps you healthy, it also shows your significant other how to pamper you. Set the tone and watch your partner follow!

5. Visit a Therapist

Typically, this should fall under self-care. However, because of the promise it packs and its importance, therapy stands alone as one major option to explore before signing the dotted lines. This will not only help you heal from unresolved trauma, but it also offers you room to prepare better for the big day. What could be better than being the best person for your partner?

There you have it! Five solid ways to prepare for the journey of a lifetime. Don’t forget to share it with the ones you love and look out for the next article!

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Distance should not be the reason for a breakdown in connection. In recent times, changing location for the purpose of education, job opportunities, personal improvement and family goals has become the norm. Despite these valid reasons, moving to a different continent brings unique challenges including keeping one away from one’s partner and family members.

While the effects may come in different forms and distance, it is important to find ways around this uncomfortable but necessary challenge associated with change.

In this article, you will discover four ways to keep your relationship going albeit from a distance. Ready? Let’s dive in!

Share Moments

One of the downsides of living in different time zones is the challenge of calling or discussing in real time. However, with social media apps such as WhatsApp, there is no distance that cannot be bridged. Sharing pictures with little notes about every event as it happens or every other hour will definitely keep the conversation going. This also keeps you and your partner at the top of your mind around the clock. In addition, videos may be added to this to remind the recipient about your mannerisms. This will make them miss you while giving you the chance to pour out your heart to your soulmate 24/7.

Talk More

Improving the quality of intimacy from a distance requires creativity. The good thing is there is endless access to your partner if you make use of the tools within your reach. From WhatsApp to Microsoft Teams to Slack to Google Meet, there are options that do not attract high charges, thanks to wifi and mobile data. Leaving a video of you wishing your partner a good day or saying a prayer will go a long way. What is even better is exchanging your prayer or good wishes for the day in person with a smile on your face. With these tools, you also get to schedule a fixed time for daily or bi-hourly calls if you wish. Staying in touch will always trump making excuses. Give your partner the gift of joy and happiness from a distance, talk more!

Share Updates

This is a super important move especially if you have children. One of the challenges of living apart is the possibility of missing important events and milestones. From missing your child’s first steps to not being part of their birthdays, distance has a way of making you feel guilty. Before you begin to feel bad, cast your mind back to why you are not physically together and find comfort. Also, make it a point of duty to ask about particular events you hold dear to your heart so your partner can fill in the blanks for you.

This not only strengthens your bond but also provides more topics for conversation. This can be done via emails or google docs depending on what works for both of you. In addition, your chats can serve as a communication channel with multimedia files where possible. The highlight may be having the children say hello when there is room to do that. Weekdays or weekends work, as long as it is convenient for everyone.

Plan Together

Distance does not stop your family goals from finding expression. In fact, it should serve as a foundation for keeping the love embers aflame while keeping you and your spouse on the same page. Typically, couples tend to set mutually-dependent goals every other month. If you do, these targets should not go cold because of distance. Thanks to tools like Google sheet and drive, it is possible to make a neat list of these agreed goals with standard timelines, action points and key resources.

With this virtual plan, you and your partner can hold each other accountable and provide updates from time to time. Think of it as a virtual plan to help you two make progress regardless of distance. Think about it.

If you were worrying about what your relationship would become because of distance, you have four simple tips to make it better than ever. Do you have any other tip you would like to add based on your experience? Kindly share in the comment section. The next article will take your relationship to a whole new level. Don’t miss it!

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Before you go on, let’s take a look at the big picture – counselling as an eye-opening tool for couple improvement, not a grim setting where someone talks over you and your partner’s head.

One of the most talked about life topics is marriage. Marriage often happens when two individuals like each other and intend to take the bold step to become an official couple. Considering the excitement of doing life with the one you love, it might be easy to think of the big wedding only. This is where counselling comes in.

For many people, having an eye on the big event may trump the substance of marriage. Considering the rate of divorce in recent times, understanding this thing called marriage with the help of experienced counsellors makes sense.

In this article, you will discover why pre-marital counselling should be in the cards for you and your soon-to-be partner.

Here are four reasons why you need to visit a counsellor with your lover before signing the dotted lines:

To Improve Anticipation

Saying ‘I love you’ to each other every minute of the day is not all there is to living with your lover for the rest of your life. There is a measure of tolerance, patience and understanding needed to make a success of your approaching marriage. Sitting with seasoned counsellors who have navigated the same terrain for many years will put the journey in perspective while equipping you and your significant other with key soft skills and conflict-resolution tools for the days ahead. Yet to consider it? Try it out today!

To Resolve Differences

The illusion that love is enough remains the reason why many relationships crumble under the slightest pressure. Having two people from different backgrounds in the same boat comes with unique challenges. These are people with unique outlooks on life. Thoughts on money, family and career can cause division if not discussed ahead of time. The best time to agree on such sensitive subjects is before. Hence, pre-marital counselling gives couples room to see weighty topics through the eyes of the next person and meet each other halfway before the journey begins.

To Foster Communication

Becoming one with someone you have fallen in love with is one thing. Staying in love with them in a long-term game that involves constant verbal and non-verbal exchange is another. This is where counselling comes in. Considering the unexpected twists and turns that are bound to show up on this lifelong journey and its impact on one’s health, understanding how the partner thinks and interprets every form of communication is important. With the input of the trained third party, thinking patterns are bound to come to the fore. This helps the couples know how to address each other respectfully, leaving the couple better than ever. Alternatively, some couples go through counselling and agree that they have no business taking the big step because of unique differences. Either way, it leaves both parties better than before. And in the long run, that is a good thing.

To Identify Patterns

Psychologists say there is usually a strong tendency to play out the familiar. What this means is that each person is bound to rely on their personal or learned experience in a particular terrain. For many people, watching their parents or older relatives in marriage creates their idea of what an ideal marriage should be. This is in spite of despising certain parts of the same. Over time, these examples embed themselves in our subconscious where the line between right and wrong may be blurred due to respect or repetition. This explains why many people get married and have certain ‘unspoken’ expectations of their partner.

During counselling, some exercises are carried out. This reveals hidden expectations and each person’s mindset ahead of time. There is also the likelihood of unresolved childhood traumas coming to light. These are events that have happened in a person’s childhood that have not been adequately processed and addressed. Leaving it unattended poses a threat to the success and longevity of the union in view. Fortunately, the potential stings in these issues can go away if both parties are open to resolving them during the sessions.

These are reasons why you should explore premarital counselling before the big day. Have you gone for counselling or know someone who has? Please share your experience by leaving a comment below.

Look out for the next article!

The post Marriage Counselling: 4 Reasons to Explore It appeared first on Hermaze | Relationship, Beauty, Fashion, Family Articles for Women.

It is generally believed that marriage naturally favours the male gender. From having a home to go to, to having someone carry and bear their offspring, there are many reasons why marriage seems to benefit the menfolk. However, it is safe to say that this belief is slowly fading away as many men claim that they are no longer looking to settle down with one person.

After asking random men questions and hearing their answers, here are ten reasons why men no longer look forward to marriage:

1. Fear of Commitment

Based on recent developments, many men no longer want to be attached to one woman as required within the tenets of marriage. While living single guarantees unending access to different types of women without guilt, marriage requires committing to ONLY one woman. This means spending time, and attention while focusing on one woman only. This may not sound like fun to a man who believes having a new woman to excite him every week or month is the way to go. While staying with one woman may be ideal, new-generation men may find the concept of committing to one challenging. Considering the ‘variety’ lifestyle readily available in the world today, this change does not necessarily come as a surprise.

2. Career Focus

Some men starting a career or hoping to grow in their career at times defer their relationship goals to focus on their career and avoid any distractions. This is to give them the time and focus needed to grow, especially in demanding careers. In light of these strong career goals, spending time to build a relationship would not rank high on their to-do list. This is why relationships for many men take the back burner until they get to their preferred level on the ladder and decide to get a partner to help them in the future.

3. Fear of Financial Responsibilities

Being truly interested in having a partner means knowing the place of money and responsibilities in marriage. Such responsibilities include paying rent for a bigger place, spending money on a big wedding and taking care of school and hospital fees when children come into the picture, there is definitely so much to be expected of a married man. This explains why many men may no longer want to get married especially if they believe they do not have the financial capabilities needed to sustain a marriage. Bills put immense pressure on men financially and the phobia of this pressure can make them decide not to get married.

4. Past Relationship Experiences

Men who have had bad relationships or marriages in the past can be afraid of new commitments. This is due to the trauma of the things they have experienced in their previous relationships. It is however necessary for men with bad relationship experiences to see a counsellor. This step would allow them to heal correctly while also helping them get over any phobia they may have about entering a new relationship.

5. Love for Independence

Accountability remains a vital part of the marriage institution. This means you always have to share details of your actions, plans, whereabouts and more with your significant other. Based on upbringing, some men love their freedom and are not willing to let go of it. This means they are not ready for co-dependence to have successful marriages and relationships. In light of this, marriage is not a good step for them.

6. Divorce Phobia

The current high divorce rate is another reason why some men may not want to marry. The cost of divorce is quite high and many men are not willing to pay such a price. This cost includes financial costs and emotional costs. Financial costs include loss of assets, loss of income due to alimony payment, and loss of time due to the adjoining court process. The emotional costs are heartbreaks, separation from children, and the pain associated with these. Considering how much divorce takes out of affected parties, staying single as a man seems like a better option.

7. Alternative Lifestyle

Some men are comfortable being single and they are really not interested in marriage. As long as they are comfortable with their life choices and are not bothered by the possibility of loneliness, staying unmarried is not a challenge to them.

8. Zero Desire for Children

In many parts of the world, children are considered a success symbol for married couples. As beautiful as the idea of children may be, birthing them comes with so much responsibility that some men are willing to stay without them. This means men who love their freedom and do not want to have children may avoid marriage as having a wife could increase the possibility of having children whether they like it or not. Therefore staying single remains the best way to avoid this conundrum.

9. Lack of Attraction

Men may not be deeply attracted to the women around them or the woman they are in a relationship with. This would mean that they do not want to settle with their current woman but would rather wait for the more attractive option. There are many reasons for this. However, this makes these men uninterested in marriage until the woman who fits their vision of the perfect one shows up. It might take years or decades before this preferred woman shows up which reduces the possibility of getting married to the barest minimum.

This list is not exhaustive as every man is different and unique and the reason they do not want to marry remains unique to them. Others may have multiple concerns and reasons for not wanting to marry. Whatever the reasons are, it is good to discuss your desire for marriage with the man you are in a relationship with. This is to be sure that they share this desire with you and avoid future frustrations.

The post Why Men Don’t Want to Get Married Anymore appeared first on Hermaze | Relationship, Beauty, Fashion, Family Articles for Women.

Here lies the answer you seek with the perfect blend of little cash and an exquisitely intimate wedding:

Break the Norm

The idea of a wedding on a Thursday is something you should explore to stick to your budget. This is as simple as it gets. A Thursday wedding does not only shield you from having thousands of guests because it is a workday, it also gets you a venue at a lesser price. You can get a small hall that sits about 100 guests at half the usual rates compared to a hall that sits 500-1000 guests for a Saturday wedding. This also means less money is spent on decoration as a small hall requires fewer materials & manpower. Think about it.

Don’t Overdo the Menu

In the bid to satisfy guests, many couples spend so much on food. This is why people serve 5 different kinds of meals which will only enrich the caterers. Sit down with your partner and do an analysis of the age group of your guests. Many young people will eat light meals; the older ones will easily go for heavy native meals. Use this information to instruct your caterers and work within the budget to serve two different meals (e.g. rice & pounded yam). Buy a reasonable number of drinks and water for the event and ice. Haggle prices without fear and reach compromises that won’t drain you financially. Cut out unnecessary things Chapman, chocolate fountains, barbecue and the likes. Have two to four trusted people supervise the distribution of water and drinks to avoid waste so you can take the rest home. Remember that you cannot satisfy everyone and be practical.

Do All Together

An African setting calls for both white & traditional wedding. If you can, just have the engagement on the morning of the wedding and proceed to the church or mosque for the white wedding. This does not only give room for one round of food arrangement, it also reduces the cost of money spent on souvenirs, professional hair, and makeup.

Pick One

A DJ and live band are usually the entertainment providers at wedding receptions. As nice as it sounds to have both, it will cost you less to have one of these two at the reception. This is because you are paying both the DJ and band for the whole day, not for the hours of entertainment. Considering the way events play out at receptions, it is impossible to have both perform up to their monetary value. Think critically and pick the one that will serve you better to cut cost and avoid the confusion.

Cut out the Reception

The wedding budget usually caters to taking care of guests who come to the wedding reception. This includes renting a hall, food, drinks, decor, ushers, cake and the list goes on. With arrangements that cover a food pack, a bottle of water, drink and a souvenir in a paper bag, you will save so much money that your account will remain unshakeable. Position friends at the door of the church or court to hand out the bags after the vows and you are done. This also eliminates the need to buy a reception dress, rent a live band & DJ. You can spend some of the money saved on your honeymoon.

Save on the Dress

Brides long for beautiful dresses that will make them stand out. However, spending millions on a dress that will be worn for a few hours may not be the best option. Renting a classy dress with a fraction of the budget will take care of this and get you all dolled up for your big day. Just take a lot of pictures and the memories will remain with you for the rest of your life.

Use Regular Vendors

Contrary to what this sounds like, this is just a way of getting the best services at the standard price. Many vendors charge so much because of the “wedding” tag. The wedding tag automatically makes the prices shoot up. For your bridal hair, fix a beautiful weave at a classy salon in a manner that makes it easy to style. Get a set of bridal pins and have a friend with deft fingers work wonders on it on the wedding morning. For your nails, fix French tips at a meticulous manicure salon and keep the change. Apply this principle with every vendor it can work with and feel your pocket thank you.

Fill The Space

One of the beauties of the day is the grand setting of many cakes to form an aesthetically appealing masterpiece. The good news is that you don’t have to pay for many cakes to get this; just pay for one or two cakes and have the baker use dummy cakes to build the rest of the layers. The dummy cakes are not edible but they look like real cakes even in the pictures.

Buy with Ready Cash

It is part of the culture to get a uniform fabric for friends of the couple. This is popularly called aso-ebi (Fabric for Relatives). Many couples buy this with their own money and give out on credit. That will only set you up for stress, loss, and broken friendships. Visit a fabric store, get a picture of the chosen fabric with the cap or head tie, calculate selling price per head and have a strict person reach out to your friends with a deadline of payment and account details. Emphasize the importance of limited slots and watch interested people send in their money before the deadline. Once you have the amount needed and hit the deadline, purchase the fabric and hand out to buyers without stress. This saves you time, money and energy all without spending one dime from your pocket.

Go Local

The honeymoon is usually filled with bonding activities and relaxation. Due to the need for silence and privacy, many spend so much on international trips. It is possible to have fun and romance without leaving the country and at an affordable price. You can travel to a tourist destination in another state like Obudu Cattle Ranch and lodge for a week. You can also take advantage of places with picturesque beaches and chalets that will give you access to facilities and clubs in the same location. You can even get complimentary meals & wine on the house if you book ahead and mention the honeymoon bit. That is what dreams are made of.

The wedding day is one day, marriage is for a lifetime. It is important to save in order to avoid tales of woe and disagreements. You are however allowed to spend good money on the video recording & pictures insofar as you get the value you need and stick to a reasonable budget. Run with this and have the best day of your life!

The post 10 Steps to Having a Classy Low Budget Nigerian Wedding appeared first on Hermaze | Relationship, Beauty, Fashion, Family Articles for Women.